All that that is broken yet beautiful
by A-not-so-social-butterfly
Summary: In the doorway was Sirius Black. "Expelliarmus!" He croaked, eyes bright. "You," His voice seemed to hurt him, but his eyes were fixed on the girl in the doorway. "You…Hermione…" He wondered absent-mindedly about how Hermione was doing…she'd be thirteen now…nearly fourteen…she could already be going to Hogwarts he realised...but the odds were astronomical. Remus sighed. ADOPTED FIC
1. Chapter 1

_Never had anyone looked so lost in their own home before.  
Remus Lupin looked around at the chairs and the tables and the clocks and the photographs as if they were foreign to him, as if they were a code he had to decipher. Face haggard, he slumped down on the sofa, pressing his long, shaking fingers to his closed eyelids as tears slipped from beneath them and snaked down his pale face. The fire in the grate burnt low and tired, flames flickering about the wood half-heartedly, like they'd want nothing more than to die out slowly into ashes, and a puff of annoyed sparks flew out suddenly, spraying the threadbare carpet with soot. _

_Face pinched and blotchy, Remus stood, breathing shallow, knelt in front of the temperamental fire and threw a weak handful of Floo Powder into the flames, wincing as they flared up green. He spoke in a hoarse, cracking voice._

 _"_ _Lyall Lupin."  
The fire cleared to show a homely looking living room, and Remus crawled through, too tired to use the conventional method of Flooing.  
"Remus!" His kind, bearded father came hurrying into the room, face curved in a broad smile. "I've just put her to bed, I didn't realise you'd be back so early…are you alright?"  
"Dad…Sirius…" Remus' knees buckled, and Lyall gripped him tightly under his arms, supporting him to the sofa.  
"What happened? Is he alright?"  
"He…he betrayed us. Lily…James…and Peter…they're all dead…they're all…"  
"Oh son…" Lyall went to hug him, but Remus held out a trembling hand.  
"Sirius…he betrayed them…he's in Azkaban, Dad, he…he…"  
"Merlin…"  
Remus fell into choked, broken sobs, and his father embraced him, rubbing his back the way he hadn't since Remus was a child. There was the quiet little patter of footsteps on the stairs, and a little girl peeked her head around the door, mousy hair falling into her grey eyes.  
"Daddy?"  
"Hi honey," Remus sniffed once, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, and smiled weakly. Her little face broke into a radiant smile and she ran up to the sofa, nearly tripping on the edge of the carpet, flinging her arms around his neck.  
"Daddy! You're back!"  
Gulping back tears, Remus nodded as she snuggled into his lap, not trusting himself to be able to speak.  
"When will Paddy be home?"  
Remus closed his eyes at the mention of her other father, Sirius.  
"Daddy?" Hermione Lupin's voice was insistent, loud. "When will Paddy be home?"  
"I'm not sure, sweetie,"  
"Can you owl him and check?"  
"Not right now."  
"Why not?"  
"You should be in bed Mione-"  
"But why not?"  
"Please, baby, Daddy's really tired right now."  
"I'm tired too!"  
"Hermione, please." Remus wiped his eyes, and she frowned at him.  
"Why are you sad Daddy?"  
"I'm not sad honey."  
"Yes you are! I can see! You're crying!"  
"It's past your bedtime, Mione," Lyall took her out of Remus' arms, giving Remus a sympathetic smile. "Come on-"  
"But why is Daddy crying Grandpa?"  
"He's…um…" Lyall looked at Remus, panicked. "He's just tired, pumpkin. Come on, and I'll read you another story, how about that?"  
"But I don't you to read me a story, I want Daddy to read me a story!"  
"Daddy's a bit busy at the moment…what do you want me to read, Cinderella? Or Babbity Rabbity?"  
"No, Paddy always reads me Cinderella! I want my Paddy! I want him to read me Cinderella!"  
"Go get into bed, Mione, and I'll come and read you a story in a minute."  
Remus sounded tired, so tired that Hermione stopped protesting, wriggled out of her Grandpa's arms and tottered out of the room. Taking a few deep breaths, Remus stood up, running his hands through his hair, and Lyall watched him sadly.  
"What are you going to do?"  
"I'm going to look after her. I'm going to make sure Mione is safe. Other than that I don't know."  
"Would you like to stay here?"  
"No, no thank you. I won't impede on you any longer. Could Hermione stay in here tonight, though?"  
"Of course, of course- are you sure you don't want to stay?"  
"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you, Dad."  
They hugged, and Remus' heart ached again._

 _"_ _Mione?" Remus opened the spare room door and Hermione peered at him, sat straight up in bed._

 _"_ _Daddy? Are you still sad?"  
"A bit, sweetie."  
"Do you want a hug? That's what you and Paddy give me when I'm sad."  
"That would be lovely sweetheart."  
She struggled to wrap her arms all the way around him, and her hair tickled his cheek.  
"Can you read me a story now?"  
"Which one would you like?"  
"Um…I don't know…"  
"Do you want Babbity Rabbity?" Remus sorted through the pile of books on the shelf.  
"I think…no…"  
"The Tale of the Three Brothers?"  
"No…"  
"What would you like, then?"  
"Cinderella!"  
"Okay, Cinderella-"  
"No, no, no Daddy! I want Paddy to read me Cinderella!"  
"Paddy's a bit busy, Mione, do you want me to read it to you?"  
"Oh…can you read me…the one about the little people, and the mirror?"  
"Snow White?"  
"Yes, that one!"_

 _Remus felt heavy with grief as he picked up the book and perched on the edge of the bed, but her grey eyes, so like Sirius', were bright and excited as he started to read aloud, making sure to show her the pictures.  
_ _"_ _Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, there was a King and a Queen who loved each other very much. They tried to have children for many years, so when the Queen became pregnant with a beautiful baby girl, they were full of joy. One day, the Queen weaving in the winter, and she pricked her finger on the spindle-"_

 _"_ _Like in the Sleeping…Sleeping Beauty!"  
"Yes, honey, like in Sleeping Beauty."  
"She doesn't go to sleep in this one, does she, Daddy?"  
"Why don't you listen and find out?"  
"The Queen pricked her finger on the spindle, and she wished for a baby with lips as red as blood, with hair as black as ebony, and skin as white as snow. "  
"Is ebony very black, then, Daddy?"  
"I suppose so, Mione. Now, shh and listen to the story."  
Hermione yawned and laid back on her pillow.  
"The Queen gave birth to the very same beautiful baby she had wished for, and for she was so fair, the King and Queen named her Snow White."_

 _Barely half way through the story, Hermione had fallen asleep in her bed, mouth open. Kissing his sleeping daughter on the forehead, Remus quietly stepped back and closed the bedroom door. Lyall was waiting in the hall._

 _"_ _Is she asleep?"  
"Yeah," Remus leant against the wall, breathing heavily, and then righted himself.  
"Have you been to the Ministry?"  
"They intercepted me on the way back to the apartment. Said...said they needed me to make a statement."  
"They would do, wouldn't they? I am sorry, son. If there's anything I can do-"  
"Thank you for having Hermione for tonight."  
"My pleasure. She's a lovely girl."  
"She is, isn't she?" A hint of fatherly pride showed in Remus' voice as he staggered into the hall, stepped into the fireplace and let go off his fistful of his Floo powder.  
"Thank you Dad. Remus Lupin's apartment, Central London."  
Minerva McGonagall was standing in the centre of his living room, face grave as she clasped his hand tightly.  
"They've put him in Azkaban."_

 _"_ _Is Paddy going to be back today, Daddy?"_

 _The next morning, Remus was brushing his daughter's hair in front of the mirror in her bedroom as she fidgeted uncomfortably.  
"Paddy isn't going to be back for a while, honey."  
"Why not? Where is he? Did his friend get sick?"  
"No, baby, his friend isn't sick."  
"Is he with Auntie Lily?"  
"No, he's not with Lily, or James."  
Hermione's face lit up. "Can we go see Auntie Lily, Daddy?"  
"Auntie Lily's also gone somewhere sweetheart."  
"Where? Is it Ame-ri-ca?" She sounded out the most exotic place she knew.  
"No, Auntie Lily's gone somewhere special, and unfortunately you're not going to be able to see her again."  
"What?" The little girl was on the edge of tears. "Can you tell her to come back?"  
"I'm sorry, honey, but I can't. She's up with your Grandma now."  
"She's with Grandma?"  
"Mhm."  
"Can we see Uncle James then?"  
"No, he's with Lily and Grandma too. So is Uncle Peter."  
"What about 'Arry?"  
"He's going to stay with his aunt and uncle, Mione."  
Her bottom lip wobbled as she started to cry, and Remus put his arms around her.  
"Oh, it's okay baby, don't cry-"  
"Is Paddy with Auntie Lily, Daddy?"  
"No, Paddy is somewhere else, honey."  
"Where?"  
"Somewhere far away."  
"Can I see him Daddy?"  
"I'm not sure. Not for a while."  
Hermione Lupin cried, and Remus Lupin battled tears as his daughter shook in his arms._

 _"_ _Please don't leave me, Daddy!"  
Hermione was clinging to Remus Lupin's neck, crying hysterically.  
"Mione, listen to me, this is for the best, baby. You're going to be safe with Dan and Emma, and when you're a bit older and it's safer I'm going to come and get you, okay?"  
"But you can't leave me with them! They're not my Daddies! They're not…they're not…Daddy…I want Paddy…I want…I want…" Remus wiped his eyes and set Hermione down on the doorstep, drawing out his wand.  
"I love you honey." His voice shook and cracked. "I love you Hermione."  
"Daddy-"  
"I love you."  
There was a second of the longest silence.  
"Obliviate."_

* * *

Remus Lupin jolted awake, tears pouring down his face, staring up at the ceiling, his little girl's cries echoing in the empty space.  
 _Hermione_.

 **I hope you liked it!  
Fly xx**


	2. Chapter 2

Clouds blanketed the sky like they were trying to hide the ground below from the stark brightness of the sun so early in the morning. Across the town, clocks chimed ten in the morning, and Remus Lupin stared blankly at the grandfather clock's pendulum swinging back and forth tirelessly, perfectly still on his bench at the train station. Out of the window behind him, the river meandered through the sprawling city of London, dark waters promising all sorts of misguided treasures beneath its surface, as the whistle of the approaching train filled the busy train platform.

Although the Hogwarts Express wasn't leaving for another hour, Remus saw no harm in being early; being late had always made him nervous, even when he was a young boy. As he shifted on his bench, watching the people cram into the crowded train, Remus' mind flashed with memories of Hermione, as they often did when he was alone. He wondered absent-mindedly about how she was doing…she'd be thirteen now…nearly fourteen…she could already be going to Hogwarts, he realised with a jolt, and then dismissed it, trying to quell the hope rising in him with the thought that she was adopted from a Muggle orphanage, that he couldn't remember her showing any signs of magic, that the odds were astronomical…  
Remus sighed.

Rubbing his sore wrist, Remus winced as his long fingers probed the tender area inflicted from his last full moon, having given up trying to heal his injuries from his monthly 'escapades' years ago; partially because it took too much time and he didn't have the money to buy medical supplies, and partially because a little part of him thought he deserved the pain.  
After all, how could he have been such an awful judge of character?

Thirteen years since it had happened and Remus had still not accepted it. He couldn't. How could he, knowing that the man he had trusted and loved and _adopted a child with_ had led to so much pain, so much destruction?

A woman with long red hair reminiscent of Lily's but tall with a long, ruddy face started shouting at an older, balding man, and it made Remus jump.  
" _What the hell do you think you're doing, James-"_  
Remus sat up, the way he did whenever a word that reminded him of his old friends was mentioned, but the couple had moved on, still bickering furiously as they climbed onto the train.  
He sighed again.

Self-conscious, Remus adjusted his shabby dress robes and picked up his suitcase from beside him on the bench and placed it on the floor. As it leant back against his knees, Remus smiled faintly at the peeling letters Lily had emblazoned across his suitcase for his birthday after discovering his secret ambition to be a teacher, picturing her excited face as she watched him unwrap it. His enchanted watch, which was wildly out of time and thought it was 1893 after being dropped into a pond, also a present that he wore out of habit, coughed out a wheezy tic, as exhausted as Remus himself.  
Remus was only too familiar with the weird looks he was getting, not only because of his wizard robes and that platform was full of Muggles but because of how old he looked, despite his age. Constant fatigue and his lycanthropy had threaded grey into his light brown hair and drained the colour from his cheeks.  
His dusty black shoes squeezed his feet, and Remus was reminded of the fact that his lanky form still caused discomfort in crowded places, and rooms with low roofs. _Sirius grew into his height_ , Remus remembered bitterly, _but I never have_.

He sat almost completely still, a statue with correct posture and a tired frown, rooted to the spot.

For something to do more than for interest in topical magical affairs, Remus pulled out his 'hot-off-the-press' copy of the Daily Prophet and laid it out on his knees, wanting to hide the moving pictures from the Muggles around him. Sirius' escape from Azkaban was still plastered across the front page, his scowling face glaring up at Remus wherever he went; on newspapers, on wanted posters, on the radio. Heck, even on the Muggle television in the inn he had stayed in had warned people to report any sightings to a special hotline. Sirius' waxy white skin and long black hair made him look even worse than Remus, but there was still that handsome air about him, fuelled slightly by arrogance but also by indifference and the sort of elegant boredom that always seemed to surround him while he was around strangers. Sirius' eyes were the only part of him that looked alive, smouldering, _burning_ with anger.  
Remus doubted anyone could be as angry at a person as he was at Sirius.

Shaking his head and breaking his unintentional absence of movement, Remus folded the newspaper back up, not bothered with reading about the woman in Glasgow who'd won the Galleon Jackpot or the man who'd accidentally swallowed his Pygmy Owl. It was nearly quarter past ten, according to the clock on the wall, and Remus clambered stiffly to his feet, wincing as his aching muscles righted themselves and picking up his suitcase with his right hand, before passing it over to his more comfortable left hand. Him being ambidextrous had always been a great source of amusement for James, who loved to tease him about being 'different' in more ways than one. Ink was forever smudged on the side of his hand, to the extent that Remus had stopped trying to wash it off and had just accepted the permanent stain as another reminder of his abnormality.

The platform was filling up with people again, despite a train having just left, so Remus had to manoeuvre his tall, awkward form around them with several muttered apologies, head down. "Sorry…sorry…oh, sorry…"  
He wriggled and pushed past harried commuters to get into the café, thirsty, and went up to the counter to order a coffee, scrounging in his pocket for the Muggle money he'd become accustomed to carrying around, finding more acceptance in the ignorance of the non-magical community than amongst his own wizard-kind.  
"A black coffee, please?" His hoarse voice seemed quieter than usual surrounded by the whirs of the coffee machines behind the bored-looking barista.  
"Two pound forty."  
Remus took the scalding hot cup and passed over the money, internally scrutinising the steepness of the price.  
 _It's bean water for Merlin's sake!_

It tasted horrible, bitter and too strong, but Remus gulped it down, desperate for the hit of caffeine that would hopefully dispel the exhaustion that had arisen inside of him for a while now without signs of disappearing.

Platform 9 ¾ would open at half past ten, prompt as usual, and Remus would get on then, in the hope of finding a compartment he could commandeer and fall asleep in. The last time he had rode the Hogwarts Express it had been with friends, and a wistful, nostalgic part of him wanted to seek out the compartment him and the others had always shared, if only for the dream that memories would surely bring. Professor Dumbledore (who had instructed Remus to call him Albus but would always be 'Professor' or 'sir' for Remus) had asked whether he would like to travel along with the other staff, who had departed for Scotland two days prior, he had politely declined. Instead, Remus had visited his father, Lyall, having not seen him for months, which not only had made Lyall incredibly excited but had meant that he was actually forced to walk past the Grangers house in order to get to his father's 'tastefully' messy home. He'd avoided the place for years, not wanting to torture himself with sights of Hermione riding her bike or playing in the front garden, and also because he knew that he should move on. She wasn't his daughter anymore, she wasn't Hermione Lupin, or Hermione Black: she was Hermione Granger. And it was Sirius who had taken her from him, forced him to give her up for her own safety, because he had put their family in danger. He had torn it apart.

Falling into a reverie, it was nearly twenty minutes later before Remus shook himself out of his ponderings and threw his half empty coffee cup into the nearest rubbish bin. Jogging through the station, Remus clutched his suitcase tightly as he approached platform ten. He pretended to lean against the barrier the way they always did when he was a student, then slid through the bricks easily and stumbled into the famous platform. It was just as grand and magnificent as he remembered.

Boarding the train was a lot easier than it had been when he was a student too; the scarcity of other people making moving around and making his way down to their old compartment easy. As he stepped inside, sliding shut the compartment door behind him, memories hit him like a tidal wave, so poignant that he actually staggered back with the weight of them. He knew this compartment: he knew the scorch-mark on the wall from when Peter had burnt his eyebrows off playing Exploding Snap with Lily; he knew the scratches on the wall from when Marlene's cat attacked Sirius; he knew the faint green stain on the carpet from when they played Gobstones and James lost miserably, and the ink spill on the carpet from when Sirius had been finishing his essay and the train had stopped suddenly.

Remus swung his suitcase up onto the luggage rack, removed his coat and slung that up there too, sitting on the window seat. His compartment was further down the train, so the compartment was in darkness, the only view out the window being the darkened wall of the tunnel. Lighting the lamps with a quick wave of his wand, Remus summoned his book from his bag, grabbing it from the air and opening it at the first page.  
He wanted to restart.

It was a jumble of voices that woke Remus up, a few hours later. It was oddly cold. Confusion hung in the air like a mist.  
"-are you doing?"  
"I was looking for Ron-"  
"Come in and sit down, then-"  
"Not here!" A boy yelped. "I'm here!"  
"Ouch!"  
"Quiet!"  
Remus fumbled in his pocket for his wand, groggy but alert, and muttered an incantation under his breath. With a crackle, flames appeared in his hand as he looked around at the other occupants of the compartment. There were two redheads, the taller boy with his arm around the shorter girl, a blonde boy who was whimpering in fear, a girl with long, bushy brown hair who was picking something up off the floor and a boy who was looking at him with a familiar expression of defiance.  
 _James.  
Harry Potter.  
_His excitement was quickly stifled by panic: he recognised those waves of cold, that feeling of dread. _Dementors_.

"Stay where you are." He stood up, holding out his fistful of fire in my one hand and tightening his fingers around his wand as ripples of fear washed over him. As Remus went to open the door, it slid open, slowly, languidly, like they had all the time in the world. Standing in the doorway was a Dementor, and it sucked in a long breath.  
Harry gave a little moan, stiffening, and then fell to the floor, eyes rolling, muscles twitching.  
Torn between concern wanting him to check and fear reminding him maniacally of the Dementor, Remus shook himself mentally, stepped as calmly as he could over Harry and faced the Dementor, staring straight up at the hood of the cloak and raising his wand. "None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go."  
The Dementor didn't move.  
Remus summoned up his happiest moments, trying to ignore the horrible memories flooding his brain: the day he was bitten, the day his mother died, the day Hermione was sick in hospital, that fateful Halloween and the day Hermione went to live with the Grangers…Remus steeled himself and thought of Hermione chasing Padfoot around the living room, hair flying, laughing hysterically.  
 _"Expecto Patronum."  
_ His non-corporal Patronus flew out of his wand and the Dementor glided away.

Everyone in the compartment gave a collective sigh of relief. The girl with the brown hair sat up and looked up at Remus, brown eyes worried and wide. "What _was_ that?"  
Remus forgot which way was up.  
 _Hermione_.

 **...DRAMA!  
Thank you _so_ much for your lovely reviews, and also for following and favouriting! It really makes my day!  
HGRL4EVR: Thank you very much for your suggestion! I hope you don't mind if I use it?  
If any one else has any suggestions/ideas, please let me know!  
Don't forget to follow, favourite and review!  
Fly xx**


	3. Chapter 3

Remus watched, a little dazedly, as Hermione knelt and slapped Harry's face, lightly.  
"Harry! Harry! Are you alright?"  
The boy groaned, eyelids fluttering. "W-What?"  
Hermione and the redhead heaved him back up onto his seat.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah," Harry tried to look nonchalant, but Remus' quick eyes didn't miss the way he glanced anxiously at the door. "What happened? Where's that-that thing? Who screamed?"  
"No one screamed," The boy kneeling next to Hermione sounded extremely nervous, trying to hide the tremor in his voice. Harry's eyes widened, Lily's emerald eyes, and Remus smiled sadly over his worry, then had an idea and pulled out the bar of chocolate he'd bought earlier.  
"But I heard screaming-"  
Remus winced internally when the chocolate made a loud snap as he broke it and everyone jumped.  
"Here," He passed Harry a large square. "Eat it. It'll help."  
Harry took it, but Remus noticed he made no move to eat it, instead starting hesitantly. "What was that thing?"  
"A Dementor," Remus passed chocolate to the tearful girl in the corner with a comforting smile, to the blonde boy who was shaking like a leaf, to the redheaded boy who looked pale and nervous, and lastly to Hermione, whose eyes looked empty. He carefully avoided her eyes, not wanting her to see him react. "One of the Dementors of Azkaban."  
Everyone was staring at him, and Remus still felt uncomfortable with all the attention on him; he crumpled up the chocolate wrapper, which made a horribly loud noise as he stuffed it into his pocket.  
"Eat," He repeated, as none of them had touched the chocolate. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me…"  
With one quick look at his daughter, Remus strode out of the compartment.

The corridor was full of students, all of whom were panicking on a grand scale. They parted, however, as Remus came through, looking hopefully at the source of authority, so he summoned his old Prefect voice. "It's alright everyone, the Dementor is gone. Please return to your compartments. If anyone has suffered any ill effects, please report to the Hospital Wing as soon as reach Hogwarts."  
Most of them returned to their compartments, so Remus continued, up to the front of the train, where the driver was standing up at the controls, sweating, and turned around when Remus entered.  
"Are all the kids alright?"  
"I think so. One fainted, but other than that I think they're all alright."  
"It's ridiculous, sending Dementors on a train full of schoolkids."  
"Yes, it is. Sorry, how long will it be before we get to Hogwarts?"  
"About ten minutes?"  
"Thank you."  
"You gonna owl ahead and tell Minerva?"  
"Yes, I will, thank you."  
"There's some parchment in the drawer over there, I think."  
Remus crossed the room and leant on the panel, scribbling a brief note, and rolled it up, then went back out into the corridor.  
"Does anyone have an owl I can borrow to send a letter to Professor McGonagall?"  
A red haired boy came out of the compartment, puffing out his chest to show off his Head Boy badge.  
"I have one!"  
"Thank you," Remus handed him the letter. "That's very helpful. Thank you."  
"I'm Head Boy! It's my duty!"  
"That it is," Remus fought the urge to grin, noticing the complete difference between James as Head Boy and the current one. "Excuse me."

Remus went back down to Hermione and Harry's compartment, and he could hear them having a conversation inside.  
"-shaking like mad though."  
Remus smiled at them and the melting chocolate in their hands. "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know."  
A few of them took tentative bites, and their looks of surprise made Remus smile again.  
"We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes. Are you alright, Harry?"  
"Fine," Harry muttered, looking embarrassed.

They spent most of the rest of the ride in silence, and Remus had to use all of his self-restraint to not keep sneaking looks at Hermione. He couldn't believe how much she'd changed, but the giggling toddler that had run around the garden squealing was still there: he could see it in the way she observed everything, eyes keen and sharp, learning and absorbing and remembering.

The carriages were just as old and rickety as Remus remembered, the sweet smell of rot still emanating from them, with the spooky skeletal Thestrals pulling them as always. Harry, Hermione and the other boy clambered into another carriage, and Remus climbed into the one with the broken seat, which no one ever got on, so Sirius used to sit on the roof.  
Shorter than he recalled, the journey was over in about ten minutes, and a scorning, cold voice filled the long road up to the castle as Remus hopped out, holding his precious suitcase tightly.  
"-you faint as well, Weasley?" A boy with a pale, pointed face and a sneer was speaking loudly. "Did the scary old Dementor scare you too, Weasley?"  
"Is there a problem?" Remus tried to keep his voice mild, forcing his annoyance down, knowing he had to sound neutral but authoritative. At least separating James from arguments with Slytherins had had some benefit. The Slytherin gave him an insolent stare, not even attempting to conceal his disdain, "Oh, no…er… _Professor_ ," before sneering and following his cronies up into the castle.

The feast was a blur for Remus, with only one thing sticking out in his mind:  
 _I need to write a letter._

 _Dan and Emma Granger,  
I know I said I would not write to you again, believing a complete cut in communication would be the best way to make this is as easy for you as possible, however recent events have led me to believe that this idea could need revising.  
As you must be aware, Hermione attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this year I have been employed as the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher at the school, therefore meaning that I will teach her. I would like to make clear that this was _not _an intentional placement on my part; in fact if I had known that Hermione would be attending Hogwarts I would have not taken the job when Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster, offered the opportunity to me a month ago._

 _The reason for my writing is that I would like to get to know my daughter, if you would allow it, as I am a lot safer now, with a more secure environment and income. I will completely understand if you refuse and reject my proposition, in which case of course I would do nothing. My primary concern here is yours and Hermione's welfare.  
I'm sorry if this is intruding on your lives. That was not my intention.  
Thank you,  
Remus John Lupin _

Remus didn't expect a reply, so he was shocked and felt a little nauseous the next morning as he tore it open and unfolded it. It was written in a neat, slanting script.

 _Remus,  
It was an awful surprise to get your letter. We honestly thought you would never contact us again.  
I can hardly believe that it was coincidental that you took the placing at the wizard school that Hermione goes to, but we can understand your desire to have a relationship with _our _daughter, but that would come with responsibilities; if you are going to accept her as your daughter then we do not want her in our prolonged care after that if so. Our relationship with Hermione has been - rocky, and so you taking her off our hands would be excellent. If it's not too much to ask we would also like you to broach the subject with her. As her 'father', we believe that that would be your duty.  
RVSP,  
Dan and Emma_

Angry, Remus threw the letter onto the floor and, in an uncharacteristic display of frustration, stamped on it.

"What… _bitches_ …" He muttered, picking it back up again and reading it over under his breath. "…relationship with Hermione has been rocky… _rocky_ …what does _that_ mean?"  
He was still mumbling under his breath as he whipped a breaking quill and some parchment, splattering ink everywhere and smudging it up the side of his hand in his haste to write back.

 _Dan and Emma,  
I have a few things to say, and a few things to ask:  
It _was _entirely coincidental that I took the place at Hogwarts.  
Your quotation marks around 'father' are not needed.  
To Hermione, you are her parents, and therefore I believe you should be the one to tell her she is adopted, not a stranger.  
I definitely want to have a relationship with my daughter, but not at the expense of her place in your home.  
Now:  
'Taking her off your hands'?  
What do you mean by rocky?_

 _Remus John Lupin_

 **I hope you liked this! Thank you for all of your lovely reviews!  
Fly xx**


	4. Chapter 4

The third-years' first Defence against the Dark Arts lesson was not until the Thursday in the first week, a fact that Remus was torn about his feelings over. Part of him wanted it to come quickly, to see Harry Potter and Hermione Granger and make sure that they were both alright, because the last time he'd seen them Harry had been unconscious, having fainted after an encounter with the Dementor, and Hermione had been panicking, then summoned into McGonagall's office. However another part of him dreaded the second meeting, wanted the days to stretch into weeks, months, years, thirteen more years, so he could just lock himself in his room to hide from Lily Potter's eyes and Hermione Granger and her familiarity until he fell into an endless nothingness because it would hurt less than facing those eyes and _that girl_. So when the sun was high in the sky and the door to Remus' classroom swung open as he rushed inside to greet the students, he was late. LATE. He'd never been late, even as a pupil, so the embarrassment of seeing his class chatting jovially due to his absence in the room sent a flush of red up his body as he hurried into the classroom, trying to slow his walk to seem calm as he approached the teacher's desk and set his briefcase down upon it.

"Good afternoon," Remus tried to look everywhere but the four familiar faces from the train compartment, two in particular, and smiled faintly around at the class. Their textbooks were stacked in front of them on the desks, gleaming and new. He acknowledged them with a hint of regret, as he had never had new textbooks; although his parents had given everything they had to him to support his education, the lightness of his money bag had meant his textbooks were second-hand, often stained and marked, written in and torn. They still contained knowledge though, knowledge that would just fuel his hunger to know more, to learn more, to teach others. They'd always known he wanted to be a teacher, his friends, but Lily's gift to him for his seventeenth birthday, the stamped briefcase, had made him determined to succeed in his goal. His dream had been thrown away, kicked to the kerb by the impending war against Voldemort, but Remus hoped Lily would be smiling now, if she knew that he was using the present she had given to him to fulfil his childhood fantasy.

He shook himself out of his reverie.  
"Would you please put all your books in your bags? Today will be a… _practical_ lesson. You will need only your wand." There was a low ripple of surprised, curious mumbling as they stuffed their books back into their bags.  
"Right then," Remus scanned the room to make sure everyone was ready. "If you'd follow me…"  
Scraping of chairs and the rumble of footsteps drowned out the creaking of the classroom door as he led them down the deserted corridor and around the left corner, towards the broom cupboard outside of which Sirius had first asked Remus to go to Hogsmeade with him. Peeves was dangling upside down, grinning mischievously and poking chewing gum into the keyhole., then looked up at Remus, lit up, and broke into a loud, crude chant.  
"Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin!"  
Some of the students looked shocked, even outraged, at Peeves' outright disrespect, but Remus took it as a begrudging sign of recognition from Peeves that he had returned, the familiar song Peeves used to sing every time he passed Remus in the corridor. He smiled. "I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves. Mr Filch won't be able to get in to his brooms." To his expected exasperation, Peeves ignored him, simply blowing a loud raspberry, so Remus took out his wand, inspiration striking him as he remembered the spell he and James had developed for a Charms project in their seventh year. "This is a useful little spell. Please watch closely." Flicking his mind back to their exhaustive late nights honing the wand movement and incantation, Remus lifted his wand to shoulder height and took a deep breath.  
" _Waddiwasi!"_ The chewing gum shot out of the keyhole and straight down Peeves' nostril as intended. The poltergeist zoomed away, cursing Remus under his breath with a reluctant respect.

"Cool, sir!"  
An amazed-looking boy behind Remus exclaimed, and Remus smiled, glad he could remember the boy's name from the register Professor McGonagall had thrusted at him that morning in the same staff room that they were about to enter. "Thank you Dean. Shall we proceed?" Remus could sense the class looking at him with something that could be grudging admiration, or at the very least some respect, as he pulled open the staff room door. "Inside, please."

As the class filed in, Remus caught sight of Severus Snape, sunken into a low armchair, a nasty sneer plastered across his face, and gave an internal groan. Despite Remus' attempts to clear some of the animosity between them, Snape had made it unnecessarily clear that his old loathing was still present and throbbing. If anything, it seemed intensified by the circumstances in which they were forced to meet again, with Sirius a fugitive and James and Lily dead. Snape's hatred for James and Sirius, especially, seemed to have dictated Snape's treatment of Remus.

He thought, absent-mindedly, that his and Sirius' relationship had been kept between close friends until they left school, but Remus often regretfully pondered if they had kept it to themselves quite as well as they originally thought.  
"Leave it open, Lupin," Snape hissed, eyes glittering, motioning towards the door. "I'd rather not witness this."  
The Potions professor stormed past the class, robe billowing out behind him, then paused suddenly by the door, so his cloak swirled to a stop around his feet, bat-like. "Possibly no one's warned you, _Lupin_ , but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear."

Neville Longbottom flushed crimson red ( _he looks so much like Alice_ ) and Hermione looked down at the floor. Annoyed at his blatant humiliation of the shy-seeming boy and Hermione, Remus injected a careful aloofness into his voice as he spoke, raising his eyebrows, once again a shot of inspiration rushing through him as an idea sprang to mind.  
"I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation, and I am sure he will perform it admirably."

With a scorning smile, Snape left, slamming the door behind him. "Now then," Remus gestured towards the wardrobe at the front of the room with the Boggart he'd discovered that morning. As it wobbled and trembled, the Boggart throwing itself around, a few of the children jumped back, looking alarmed, so Remus held up a placating hand.  
"Nothing to worry about. There's a Boggart in there."

 **I know it's been a while, but I hope you liked it! Sorry about cutting it off, but I'll hopefully post the next chapter soon!  
Don't forget to follow and favourite if you liked it, and review to let me know what you thought!  
Fly xx**


	5. Chapter 5

"There's a Boggart in there," Remus said calmly.  
Apprehension seemed to creep up several of the students' faces as they eyed the wobbling wardrobe. The blonde boy, Neville, gave Remus a pleading look for pure terror, and Remus smiled warmly at him before launching into some information. "Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces. Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks-"  
Remus laughed slightly as he recalled the eventful day spent running around with his father. "I once found one that had lodged himself into a grandfather clock. This particular one moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the Headmaster if my fellow staff would please leave it to give third years some practice."  
He looked around at the students expectantly. "So the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a Boggart?"  
When Hermione's hand shot up, Remus' insides gave a painful, surprised twist.  
"It's a shape shifter," She called, eyes alight. "It can take the shape of whatever it thinks will frighten us the most."  
"Couldn't have put it better myself." Remus approved, a little proudly, and she flushed. "So the Boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a Boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears."  
Neville shifted backwards and squeaked in terror.

"This means that we have a huge advantage over the Boggart before we begin." Remus looked at the boy in front of him, who looked deep in thought.  
"Have you spotted it, Harry?"  
Next to Harry, Hermione was bobbing up and down on her heels with her hand in the air, and the boy looked vaguely irritated as he fumbled for the answer. "Err…because there are so many of us, it won't know what shape it should be?"  
"Precisely." Remus was pleasantly surprised. Hermione slowly put down her hand, looking disappointed.  
"It's always best to have company when you're dealing with a Boggart. He becomes confused. Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug? I once saw a Boggart make that very mistake- tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening. Now, the charm that repels a Boggart is simple, yet it requires a certain… _force of mind_. You see, the thing that really finishes a Boggart is _laughter._ What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find…amusing. So, we will practise the charm _without wands_ first. After me, please… _Riddikulus!_ "

Remus felt a great deal of contentment and satisfaction that he'd become a teacher as the class repeated after him.  
"Good. Very good. But that was the easy part, I'm afraid. You see, the word alone is just not enough." Remus turned to the blonde boy. "And this is where you come in, Neville."

Neville's entire body was trembling.  
"Right, Neville. First things first. What would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?"  
Neville mouthed something, and Remus smiled encouragingly. "Didn't catch that Neville, sorry."  
In a pained, almost inaudible voice, the boy whispered. "Professor Snape."  
A ripple of laughter rang around the room, and Remus checked to make sure Neville looked alright with the rest of the class' reaction (he was grinning apologetically. Sparks of anger ran up and down his body as he pictured how badly Snape must have bullied Neville for him to be the boy's greatest fear, and an old recklessness seized him, the same kind of boldness that Sirius had instilled in him when they had dared each other to do outrageous challenges, except this time it was fuelled by anger. A young, irrational part of him still tangled up in his youthful feelings fired up, and he wanted to humiliate his old classmate. He wanted him to feel even the smallest bit of the embarrassment that Snape had obviously put Alice's son through.

Remus threw his mind back to a quick conversation he'd had with Professor McGonagall when discussing the class, mind ticking ponderously.  
"Professor Snape…hm…Neville, I believe you live with your grandmother, yes?"  
"Err- yes. But- but I don't want the-the Boggart to turn into her, either."

Remus was smiling now as his plan formed, warm and humorous, twisting and unfurling in his mind.  
"No, no, you misunderstand me. I wonder, could you tell us what sort of clothes your grandmother usually wears?"  
Frowning, Neville spoke slowly, nervously. "Well…it's always the same hat…a big tall one with a stuffed vulture on top. And a long dress…green, normally…and sometimes a, a fox-fur scarf."  
Nodding, Remus struggled to remember his own grandmother. "And a handbag?"  
"A big red one."  
"Right then," He said, satisfied and forcing down his laughter. "Can you picture those clothes very clearly, Neville? Can you see them in your mind's eye?"  
"Yes…" Neville murmurs uncertainly, voice uneasy.  
"When the Boggart bursts out of this wardrobe, Neville, and sees you, it will assume the form of Professor Snape. And you will raise your wand- thus," He demonstrated. "And cry _'Riddikulus'-_ and concentrate hard on your grandmother's clothes. If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat and that green dress, with that big red handbag."

The classroom rumbled as there was a great shout of laughter. The wardrobe shuddered, as if dreading what was to come.  
"If Neville is successful, the Boggart is likely to shift his attention to each of us in turn. I would like all of you to take a moment now to think of the thing that scares you most, and imagine how you might force it to look comical."

When the room fell silent, a lot of the students had closed their eyes, and were mumbling under their breath. Hermione was picking at a hangnail with an anxious look on her face, and the redheaded boy from the train, Ron, was muttering quietly to himself. Remus just caught 'Take its legs off', which sounded promising but slightly gory, depending on what his fear was; he hazarded a guess 'it' was a type of insect. Harry shivered suddenly, then his eyes darted around quickly as if to make sure no one had seen his moment of fear. Remus felt a cold sense of dread as he imagined the pale, red-eyed face he was sure was filling Harry's head at that very moment, and so concernedly broke off the quiet.

"Everyone ready?"

Several members of the class nodded, some rolling up their sleeves and pulling their wands out of their pockets, but there were a few who looked panicked at the short amount of preparation time they'd had, incredulous eyes wide as they looked, alarmed, at him. Remus tried to ignore it, focusing on the pale, sweating Neville.  
"Neville, we're going to back away. Let you have a clear field, all right?" Remus nodded at him encouragingly. "I'll call the next person forward, okay? Everyone back, now, so Neville can get a clear shot…"  
The class retreated back up against the wall and all looked at Neville, who although he was pallid, had his sleeves rolled up and his wand in his hand, face ready.  
"On the count of three, Neville," Remus pointed his wand at the door handle. "One, two, three… _now_!"  
His spell send sparks flying out of the handle as the door swung open, and the Boggart in the form of Snape stepped out of the wardrobe. Anger rose, hot and choking in Remus' throat, and he silently willed Neville to beat the crap out of the sneering man. Or worse, dress him up in an elderly woman's clothes and therefore ensure that none of them would be _that_ scared of Professor Severus Snape again.  
Neville backed up, hands shaking, and lifted his hand, stuttering slightly as he spoke the incantation. _"R-R-Riddikulus!"  
_ There was a loud _crack,_ and Boggart Snape stumbled, wearing the long green dress, the moth-eaten hat and the swinging crimson handbag. A loud roar of laughter killed some of the fear that was circling the room, like the crumbling vulture on top of the hat.

The Boggart paused, confused. Remus took the moment, gesturing at the tall girl near the front of the group, as he shouted. "Parvati! Forward!" Her braid was swinging as she walked quickly up to face the Boggart, face stony, fierce with concentration and the Boggart transformed into a bloody, bandaged mummy in another _crack,_ dragging its feet as it shifted towards her eerily slowly…  
" _Riddikulus!"_ Parvati shrieked, voice shrill; a bandage unravelled at the mummy's feet, and it tripped over it, fell forward onto its face. Its head thumped as it hit the floor, falling off and rolling to a stop at a disgusted but proud-looking Parvati's feet.

"Seamus!"  
There was a _crack_ , and a banshee appeared in place of the woman, matted black hair brushing the dusty wooden floor. Her face contorted as she opened her mouth wide, inhumanely wide, and the esoteric sound that filled the room and clung to Remus' ears made all the hairs on his body stand on end as she screamed and screamed-  
" _Riddikulus!"_ Seamus cried, and the banshee's wail broke, mouth just emitting a raspy whisper as she clutched it desperately: her voice was gone.

The Boggart turned into a scurrying rat, then a rattlesnake, which writhed and slid its scaly body along the wood, then became a single, bloodied eyeball, each transformation punctuated by a sharp _crack_.  
"It's confused!" Remus shouted, impressed with all of their performances. "We're getting there! Dean!"  
Eyeball became a severed hand, which flipped over and scuttled towards the dark-haired boy like a grotesque, zombie-crab.  
" _Riddikulus!"_ The hand was caught in a mousetrap.  
"Excellent! Excellent! Ron! You next!"  
Ron hurried up to the front, and the Boggart cracked, becoming a massive spider with eight hairy legs, pincers clicking. Many people screamed, and even Remus felt a rush of fear at the six-foot tall arachnid. Ron looked like he had frozen, but then suddenly raised his wand as the spider advanced on him and bellowed as loudly as he could, " _Riddikulus!"  
_ The spider's legs vanished (Remus was momentarily proud of his own correct guessing), and its body thumped onto the floor, head rolling towards the rest of the students: the blonde girl with a pink bandana in her hair named Lavender screamed and jumped out of the way as it approached her, and it stopped at a shocked-looking Harry's feet. James' son raised his wand, ready, and Remus felt a shot of adrenaline and anticipation as he rushed to stand in front of Harry, calling out suddenly. "Here!"

The spider vanished with the now familiar _crack,_ and a full moon hung in the air in front of him. Remus felt a twang of terror, imagining the wolf part inside of him stirring, but forced it down, raising his wand.  
" _Riddikulus!"  
_ It fell to the floor, a cockroach. He remembered his friend's reactions: ( _Cockroaches are almost worse than that, Remus! They're so…urghh! Disgusting!),_ but he was used to them. They were common in the Shrieking Shack.  
"Forward, Neville, and finish him off!"  
Snape was back, but when Neville stepped forward, his face was confident and determined. " _Riddikulus!"  
_ There was a second of Snape standing there in his lacy dress, and then Neville expelled a huge ' _Ha!'_ , and the Boggart exploded into grey wisps, cigarette smoke.  
The same colour as the rings Sirius would blow out across the grass in the grounds.

His bitter, regretful memories were cut off as a loud round of applause rang around the room.  
"Excellent! Excellent, Neville! Well done, everyone! Let me see…five points to Gryffindor for every person to tackle the Boggart…ah, ten points to Neville because he did it twice…and five each to Hermione and Harry."  
"But I didn't do anything." There was a certain expression on Harry's face that Remus couldn't quite read; it had the shadow of disappointment.  
"You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of the class, Harry." Remus tried to keep his voice light. "Very well, everyone, an excellent lesson. Homework, kindly read the chapter on Boggarts…summarise it for me. To be handed in on Monday. That will be all. You were excellent today. Thank you all."

He could hear the students talking in amused tones about the Boggart Snape as they left the classroom, and as Remus' eyes followed Hermione and Harry leaving the classroom he allowed himself a grin.  
Professor Snape in a dress and vulture-topped hat would be all around the school by lunchtime.

 **I hope you liked it! Remus and Hermione will have more meetings soon!  
** **Don't forget to follow and favourite if you liked it, and review to let me know what you thought!**  
 **Fly xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Remus' next few lessons with the third years seemed to be received well, and despite a few scorning words from a certain boy named Malfoy, they were fast becoming his favourite class. They listened, gave in their homework mostly on time, and seemed to be attentive in lesson. Neville had blossomed in Remus' lessons, it appeared, after Remus' fresh ammunition in his combat with Snape, and it pleased Remus that he was less shy in class than Minerva had initially described to him. Harry was obviously skilled at Defence, but didn't try to apply himself, doing his homework well but not outstandingly, putting his hand up but only occasionally.  
Hermione was absolutely incredible, but he tried to ignore that.

His overall favourite outcome of the Boggart lesson was a double-edged sword. Although Snape was now expressing his loathing for Remus in furious glares so infused with hatred that it slightly unnerved Remus, the tale of Snape's "dress up" had erupted throughout the students, flitting from house to house as gossipers eagerly lapped up the story like particularly thirsty dogs in the height of summer. It still made Remus laugh, when he had time.

As the days passed with no answer to his questioning letter, Remus was growing steadily more anxious and agitated. The cryptic wording in their letter was rolling over in his mind, repetitive to the point that he thought it would drive him mad. Still, he was continuing to hold out hope that they would reply, so he could stop running scenarios that made him want to scream and cry and kill things over and over in his brain.  
 _But what if the reason she flinched is because she's afraid of you, why not, everyone else is-  
_ "No, Remus." He muttered sharply under his breath, scolding himself as he sat at his desk. "Stop that."

There was a hesitant knocking on the door of his office, quieter than a usual knock, shy.  
"Come in."  
The door knob rattled as the person on the other side fiddled with it, struggling to open the door, and Hermione hurried in, clutching a roll of parchment tightly in her fist, words streaming out of her mouth very quickly as she shut the door.  
"Hello, Professor, I don't mean to bother you, I just realised I gave in my Charms essay instead of the one on Kappas you asked for, so I brought it. I'm sorry-"  
"Don't worry, Hermione." Remus stood up, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, sorting through the messy piles of essays. "I'm sure it's here somewhere…"  
"I did write a bit more than you asked for," She sounded anxious, brow furrowed. "I didn't realise until I measured it after."  
"Mhm," Remus mumbled, avoiding her eyes. "Ah! Here."  
He handed her the essay, not looking at her, then took the parchment and put it on the top of the pile.  
"Thank you, Professor." Hermione said cheerfully. "Sorry again."  
"It's no problem." Remus sat back down again, busying himself with his teacup.  
"See you later, Professor."  
"Mhm." Remus murmured quietly, and she left with her Charms essay in her hand, closing the door softly behind her.

Remus propped his elbows up on his desk and put his head in his hands, breathing shallowly. He was so determined not to cry that when tears started leaking from the corners of his eyes he hit the table angrily, hard, and cried out in frustration.

"Ugh! Why? Why?! It's not _fair_!"  
Yanking his desk drawer open with enough force to pull it out, he snatched up the picture on top of the papers there, then let it drop, with a _bang_ , to the floor. The photograph in the battered frame was of two laughing boys, one a younger version of what Remus saw in the mirror, and the other a handsome dark-haired boy with his arm around Remus, smirking at the camera. Remus glared down at it, body trembling, then in one quick motion threw it violently at the fireplace opposite. It smashed against the stone, and fell to lie, face down, on the floor.  
"Why, you idiot, _why_?!" Remus shouted hoarsely, voice cracking, face wet with tears. "Why? How could you do that to them? How could you do that to me? How could you do that to Hermione? How? _How_? _Why_?"  
He slumped back down into his chair, hands over his face.  
His shoulders shook with suppressed emotion, and the youthful face of Sirius Black waved up at him through the broken glass.

* * *

 _Six months earlier, Azkaban fortress._

Monstrous waves ravaged the pale grey sand that was gathered in clusters in between the rocks that made up the island upon which the dark fortress that was Azkaban prison. Dementors glided through the stormy air, cloaks drifting out behind them as if submerged in water. Sea spray splattered the inmates through the small window facing the water, and the bars were rusted over, the desperate skeletal fingers of Sirius Black stained a reddish brown from clenching the tarnished metal. A fiery light blazed out of sunken eyes, the only sign of life in his emaciated body. His striped prison robes hung off his skinny frame.

Behind him on the walls and the floor and even the ceiling were hundreds of tally marks, each scratched painstakingly in rows, most of them on the rear wall crossed through, marking the days gone. At some point he'd run out of room, and so the wooden stool and bucket that served as the toilet were also covered in marks, some crossed through or circled to take record of his time in the cell. It was too organised, too precise and calculated and orderly to be the work of a madman. There was something mesmerising about them, all exactly the same size and perfectly straight, but something sinister too, scraped into the wall with yellow, brittle fingernails and pieces of rock prised off the stone walls.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor was Black, holding onto the bars with a hungry look on his face as he breathed slowly, in and out, muttering under his breath feverishly and repeating himself. The mantra seemed well-rehearsed, like a comfort to him.  
The moonlight shone in through the tiny crack of the window, bathing him in a milky light.  
"I'm sorry James, I'm sorry Lily, I'm sorry Harry, and I'm sorry Remus…God I'm sorry Remus…I'm sorry Hermione… I'm so sorry-"  
His hushed words were lost in the howling wind rushing around the fortress.

 **I really like writing this story, so I am updating quite regularly, which I suppose is good? :)  
I hope you like it! Don't forget to follow and favourite if you liked it, and review if you want to let me know what you thought, or if you have any questions/things you want to see! (I'll most likely respond)  
Thank you!  
Fly xx  
**


	7. Chapter 7

Full moon was approaching, and Remus didn't need Snape bringing him his Wolfsbane Potion to remind him of that fact. His back was aching and he was constantly tired, which, as much as he loved teaching, made it difficult. His ever present fatigue made it harder to control his classes, and his aches and pains made standing up for hours while instructing the class made movement painful. He was snappy and irritable, and carefully avoided the staff room in the hopes of not bumping into any of his fellow staff and risking bellowing at them at the top of his lungs for breathing too loudly. Therefore Remus was essentially holed up in his rooms, burying his head in books and his endless piles of marking so to not have to think about the awful night he'd have to endure in the near future. You'd expect it to get easier; Remus did every time, hoping in vain that it would somehow be smooth and not turbulent, and it had become eons better ever since he'd started having the Wolfsbane Potion, but the transformation was still just as agonizing and traumatic, and the malicious look of satisfaction Snape got from Remus being reliant on the Potions master even more so.

The sharp knock on Remus' door made him jerk out of his angst-filled mental drivel and violently swear under his breath, then take a deep breath, will his tolerance to hold and say in a clear but unenthusiastic voice, "Come in."  
Snape came in, malevolent black eyes glittering, holding in his hands a smoking goblet.  
"On the desk, please, Severus, thank you."  
Snape set the goblet down on the edge of the desk with a spiteful but triumphant sneer, like he'd spat in it. Remus peered queasily over at the steaming cup, and Snape said coldly, "You should drink that directly, Lupin."  
"Yes, I know, _thank you_ ," Remus snapped, his tone screaming _get out of my office you-  
_ "There's more in my office, should you need more-"  
"Good. I'll need more." Remus hated his smug expression, but reeled himself back in and controlled the anger in his voice. "Thank you."  
"My pleasure." He hissed, like it wasn't his pleasure at all. Which of course it wasn't, Dumbledore had asked him to.  
Then Snape left, and Remus resisted the urge to hold up his middle finger at the greasy man's retreating back as the door shut softly behind him.

The potion's foul taste did nothing to improve Remus' mood, and his mouth twisted in disgust as the bitter liquid slid down his throat. When he'd gulped down the gross elixir at top speed he downed the rest of his cold tea to try and appease his protesting taste buds and turned back to his marking.  
 _Fifth years_ , he pondered exasperatedly. _They'll never pass their OWLs if they think Boggart has one 'g'._

Halloween was always a day Remus dreaded.  
Luckily he was temporarily distracted as it was the Hogsmeade trip for the older half of the school, and Remus remised wistfully about the time he'd spent in the Three Broomsticks with James and Peter, with James trying to persuade the young barmaid Rosmerta to sell him Firewhiskey for ten sickles and a Chocolate Frog as he listened to the students rush past his door, chattering excitedly.  
Remus had omitted any mention of _Sirius_ in any of his childhood memories spent with his friends, like ignoring the murderer's existence would make it as if nothing had ever happened, and all of his photographs with Sirius in where buried under paperwork in the bottom of his drawer, as where the pictures of toddler Hermione that he had kept, wanting to get rid of them to try to move on but never being able to throw them out.

He was feeling marginally better than expected that morning, having received his order of a Grindylow for his lessons with the third and fifth year students, and the two hours he'd spent preparing the tank had proved a very welcome distraction. However now he had finished, the Grindylow was pulling ghastly faces at him out of its carefully finished tank.

Cold grief was settled in the pit of his stomach, weighing him down, a stone.  
"-back to your common room, where you belong!"  
Filch's angry snarl sounded outside in the corridor, and Remus stood up from his desk, compassion blossoming as he imagined the unfortunate student, hurrying over to the door and poking his head out as the sound of footsteps stomping down the stairs. A terribly, acutely familiar head of black spiky hair was walking down the corridor away from Remus' office. "Harry?"  
James Potter's son stopped and backed up, looking surprised.  
"What are you doing?" Remus frowned at him, not unkindly, but with slight concern at Harry being alone on the anniversary of his parents' murders. He knew how lonely grief could make you feel. "Where are Ron and Hermione?"  
"Hogsmeade," He attempted nonchalance, and it would be convincing, but his eyes were tired.  
"Ah," Remus surveyed Harry for a moment. "Why don't you come in? I've just gotten the delivery for a Grindylow for our next lesson."  
"A…what?" Harry looked mildly curious, and followed Remus back into his office, then approached the large water tank, staring at the angry Grindylow.  
"A water demon. You shouldn't have much difficulty with him- not after how well you handled the kappas. The trick is, to break his grip." Remus pointed at the creature's spidery fingers. "You notice its _abnormally_ long fingers? They're strong, but very brittle."  
Harry seemed lost in thought, and Remus could sense his awkwardness, as well sense his own dehydration.  
"Cup of tea?" Remus hunted around for his elusive kettle, which had a reputation among his prized possessions for going missing right when he fancied a cup of tea, which was basically all the time. He was borderline obsessed with the stuff. "I was just thinking of making one."  
"All right," Harry mumbled.  
Remus brandished his wand victoriously as he found his mother's old kettle and tapped it once briskly. A fountain of steam erupted from the spout, and he fished around in the top drawer of his desk as he spoke, rifling through to get to his dusty tin of tea bags, reminded of something Minerva has said to him a while ago while she ranted about the Transfiguration teacher. "Sit down," He gestured to the spare chair. "I've only got tea bags, I'm afraid…but I daresay you've had enough of tea leaves?"  
Harry flushed bashfully. "How do you know about that?"  
"Professor McGonagall told me," Remus passed Harry a mug of tea, noting slightly embarrassedly the chip in the side, then observed the badly-concealed worried frown on his face. "You're not worried are you?"  
"No." Harry didn't look convinced, and dark shadows of negative emotion drifted across his face, warping his expression. Remus' voice was concerned, but he tried his best to sound casual. "Anything worrying you, Harry?"  
"No," He said immediately, taking a large gulp of tea, was silent for a second then slammed his mug down on the table. "Yes. You know that day we fought the Boggart?"  
"Yes…?" Remus said slowly, unsure of where he was going.  
"Why didn't you let me fight it?"  
Remus raised his eyebrows, confused, as if it were overt. "I would have thought that was obvious, Harry."  
Harry looked utterly shocked. "Why?"  
"Well," Remus frowned. "I assumed that if the Boggart faced you, it would assume the shape of Lord Voldemort."  
Harry didn't flinch at his parents' murderer's name. It made Remus feel cowardly for ever being afraid.  
"Clearly, I was wrong. But I didn't think it a good idea for Lord Voldemort to materialize in the staffroom- I imagined that people would panic."  
"I…I did think of Voldemort first," Harry said, slowly, "But the, I- I remembered those Dementors…"  
"I see," Remus smiled, surprised, thoughtful. "Well, well, I must say I'm impressed. That suggests that what you fear most of all is- fear. Very wise, Harry."  
Harry looked uncomfortable and drunk some more tea.

"So you've been thinking that I didn't believe you capable of fighting the Boggart?"  
"Well, yeah." Harry's face had brightened massively. "Professor Lupin, you know the Dementors-"  
There was a knock on the door.  
"Come in!" Remus called, annoyed at the interruption.  
In came Snape, holding Remus' second goblet of Wolfsbane Potion. Harry tensed visibly, and Snape looked pleased with the effect he was having on the boy. That made Remus' insides turn cold, but he forced his voice to be pleasant.  
"Ah, Severus. Thank you very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?"  
The Potions professor's gaze flicked back and forth from Harry to Remus as he put it down carefully.  
"I was just showing Harry my Grindylow," Remus said, as a way of filling the silence.  
"Fascinating." Snape muttered without looking in its direction. "You should drink that directly, Lupin."  
"Yes, yes, I will."  
"I made an entire cauldron," The leering man continued. "If you need more."  
"I should probably take some again tomorrow. Thanks very much, _Severus_."  
"Not at all," Snape said, with an expression that suggested it was exactly the opposite, and left quickly.

Harry was frowning curiously at the smoking goblet, and Remus smiled at him.  
"Professor Snape has very kindly concocted a potion for me. I have never been much of a potion-brewer and this one is particularly complex." Remus picked up the Wolfsbane and glared at it. "Pity sugar makes it useless."  
"Why…?" Harry wondered aloud, and Remus had the usual small spasm of panic before recovering himself and lying smoothly. "I've been feeling a bit off-colour. This potion is the only thing that helps," He took a sip reluctantly. "I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape- there aren't many wizards who are up to making it."  
Harry was staring at the goblet warily, like it was about to explode.  
"Professor Snape's very interested in the Dark Arts." He said suddenly.  
"Really?" Remus wasn't really listening, but tried to pay attention. Harry looked at him like he was crazy, and started hesitantly, "Some people reckon…some people reckon he'd do anything to get the Defence against the Dark Arts job."

Remus drained the rest of the goblet and put it down on desk, pulling a face. "Disgusting. Ugh. Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work. I'll see you at the feast later."  
Harry stood up, expression torn, and set down his empty teacup with an absent smile. "Right."  
After the door shut behind Harry, Remus stared at the spot he had left for a moment, then took a big gulp of his tea.

The Grindylow hissed and glared at him from behind the glass.

 **Please follow and favourite if you liked it, and review if you want to let me know what you thought, or if you have any questions/things you want to see! (I'll most likely respond)**

 **Thank you!**  
 **Fly xx**


	8. Chapter 8

The day before the full moon was long and painful, and not helped by the letter on his plate at breakfast.

 _Mr Lupin,  
Surely you must understand that we cannot continue to have Hermione in our home if we reveal to her that we are not her biological parents. We live in a very tight-knit community in which news travels fast, and I'm sure you'll agree that our reputation is at stake in this situation. As much as caring for Hermione has been a part of our lives for many years, she has gotten older now and is no longer fitting comfortably in our home environment as we would expect from her. If you are willing to accept on the responsibility of having Hermione know that you were one of her original adoptive parents then we expect you to also be able to take on the responsibility of a child.  
Your 'partner' is obviously no longer in the picture, and we must admit that we are more comfortable with having you and Hermione meet now that that is the case. We believe that that influence on her would not have been the most beneficial to her development.  
As for your strong recommendation that we be the ones to tell Hermione that she is adopted and that we are not her parents, as her original adoptive parent that responsibility must fall on you, however we are willing to send her a letter that outlines some of the story if that means you will tell her as soon as possible. If you are not prepared to shoulder the responsibility on informing Hermione of the fact that you are her original adoptive father by yourself then we are not prepared to allow you to have a relationship with her at all.  
Reply immediately,  
Dan and Emma Granger. _

Remus scowled and crumpled it up, shoving it into his pocket.  
"Bad news?" Minerva said in a dry voice as she buttered her toast, observing him with sharp eyes.  
"You could say that." Remus sighed, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice than grimacing and putting it back down. Nothing tasted right on his tongue, too sweet and slimy and disgusting.  
Minerva looked at him shrewdly. "How are you feeling?"  
"I'm fine." Remus said immediately, the way he'd trained himself to.  
"I presume you'll be absent tomorrow?"  
"Yes, if it's not too much trouble."  
"Of course not," Minerva said impatiently. "Albus has asked Severus to cover your lessons for tomorrow, and today."  
"Today?" Remus frowned. "I'm-"  
His hand flew to his back as it cracked in a way typical backs shouldn't, and he winced but carried on. "I'm fine."  
"Remus," Minerva raised one thin, scary eyebrow. Even her eyebrows were intimidating. "I am going to take initiative here and tell you to take the day off."  
"Honestly, I'm fine-"  
"If you won't take sick leave today I'll ask Albus to order you a day of absence for being unfit to teach due to illness."  
"I'm fine, really-"  
"Do I need to ask Albus?" She raised both of her eyebrows this time, a stern dare to challenge her authority.  
"No." Remus grumbled, standing up. "Thank you Professor."  
"I've told you, call me Minerva, Remus. You're no longer a student."  
"I feel like one." He mumbled, then with a begrudging smile he left the Hall.

When he got back to his office, Remus made a cup of tea, it being the only beverage that didn't make him want to puke approaching the full moon, carefully eased himself down into the chair behind his desk to try to avoid making anything hurt and pulled a fresh sheet of parchment towards him to reluctantly compose a very passive-aggressive reply to the Grangers.

 _Mr and Mrs Granger.  
If you will send a letter to Hermione outlining the fact that you are not her parents, as you so eloquently put it, I will take on the responsibility of telling her about her adoption. I would appreciate being notified when you have done this.  
You have not answered my questions with a straight answer, and I must ask again: why are you so eager to have Hermione leave your home? I must tell you that I _will _ask her, and I will investigate with her Head of Year.  
If you insist on having Hermione leave your house, I must _insist _that that change is not sudden or immediate, and it is considered properly before put into place. =  
Your comments about my previous relationships are both irrelevant and not appreciated.  
Remus Lupin._

He didn't have an owl, not wanting to have the responsibility of looking after another creature.  
 _If I can't even look after an owl, how on earth are you expecting yourself to even consider trying to have the responsibility of a daughter?_

Remus tried to console himself. _You were willing to do it in the middle of the war when you didn't have the Wolfsbane Potion to help control your lycanthropy and didn't have a proper job. Why are you so hesitant now?  
Because before you had Sirius. _A small voice in the back of his whispered.  
"Yeah, and how well did that turn out?" Remus muttered.  
 _You still need him_ , the voice murmured, and he flicked the thought away like swatting a fly. _  
_"I've done just fine without him for thirteen years," He mumbled. "That doesn't change just because he's escaped from Azkaban."  
 _They say he's coming for Harry_. The voice niggled irritatingly.  
Remus couldn't believe that the man who would spend hours running around as Padfoot to make Harry and Hermione laugh would ever hurt either of them, but then again he couldn't believe that a man could intentionally give up information knowing full well that it would lead to his best friends' deaths.

Gulping down his still scalding hot tea, Remus put his letter in an envelope, marked it with their address and stood up slowly, painfully, to take it to the Owlery. There was a _crack_ , and a small, stout little house elf with stubby ears appeared in front of him. "Master Lupin, would you like me to take that to the Owlery for you?"  
Remus gasped in surprise, then recovered himself. "Err…yes please?"  
"Do you have an owl, sir?"  
"You don't need to call me sir, and…no, no I don't. Please use one of the school owls."  
"Yes sir!" She took the letter, ink on the envelope still wet, and disappeared with another _crack_.

A little shocked but very relieved that he'd be spared the long walk across the grounds and up the Owlery steps, Remus sat back down and took out his old, battered copy of the textbook he'd assigned the fifth years, ready to start planning his next lesson.

 **This is a short chapter, but I will probably update soon to make up for that!  
Thank you to everyone who has followed, favourited and reviewed- please do the same if you liked it!**  
 **Fly x**


	9. Chapter 9

Remus locked his office door with a loud, firm _click._ He'd tidied away all of his things, marking shut away in his drawer, breakable objects stuffed away just in case, because even though he rationally knew that the Wolfsbane would stop him from being violent or destructive he still doubted it as it always seemed too good to be true. Maybe it wouldn't work, maybe the last time he'd used it, a week before school started in the safety of the boarded-up, magically secured little shack in the woods near his father's house, was a fluke, and he would rip down the door and stalk the corridors, attacking unsuspecting Prefects as they patrolled the corridors, their blood splattering the walls, screams echoing the near silence-

He shut the window. _Thud._  
First time he'd experienced the almost unbelievable effects of the Wolfsbane Potion, Remus thought he had died, dramatic and Sirius-like though the claim seemed, that the transformation had finally killed him. It was constant and terrifying danger, when every month his spine bent and snapped as it reshaped and hair sprouted all over his body. He thought such had happened because when the agony finished and he was lying on the broken, dirty floorboards of the shack, dazed and unaware of his surroundings but completely and utterly in control.

His bloodlust while in his lycanthrope form usually overpowered any feeling and rational consciousness, so to be fully aware and not scratching at the door, baying for human blood, was a nothing short of a miracle in his eyes.  
It wasn't as uplifting as running free in the Forbidden Forest with the stag, the dog and the rat, but it was a semblance of peace.

An empty goblet was the only item on the desk, and Remus carefully put it in a drawer before checking the door again.

The curtains were wide open, and the sun had disappeared below the horizon, so moonlight washed over the rolling grounds and splashed into the room, casting shadow.  
Remus' body shuddered, and the transformation began.

 _It was sixth year, before they'd admitted how they felt, Remus remembered, because Sirius still had long hair, and Remus secretly loved it._

 _The three of them were hurrying across the grounds, squinting in the bright dusk light as the sun began to set. Squeezing under the Invisibility Cloak was difficult for Sirius, James and Peter now: they weren't as small as they had been in first year, and they had to squat and practically waddle to make sure that their feet didn't show around the hem of the flapping cloak.  
Madam Pomfrey was escorting Remus to the Whomping Willow, holding onto his arm firmly, but he was watching out of the familiar signs of his friends sneaking across the grass, the activity requiring focus and therefore keeping him upright. For a moment he saw nothing, and he wanted to cry, the pain and tiredness and soreness of his muscles aggravating his upset, but then he caught sight of one of Sirius' battered shoes, untied laces trailing, seemingly from out of nowhere across the lawn, and heard a quiet, violent curse, then the shoe vanished from view again.  
Remus looked over at Madam Pomfrey, but she didn't seem to have noticed, sounds muffled by the fierce wind that was shaking the trees angrily like rag dolls.  
"Here you go, Remus…" Madam Pomfrey flicked her wand as they approached the monstrous tree, and its threateningly waving branches stilled. She let go of his arm. "Do you need help getting down the passage?"  
He could hear the rustle of the boys getting nearer. "No, I can do it, thank you."  
"I'll come and get you in the morning," She smiled tiredly, patted his arm and started to make her way back up to the castle._

 _A rat appeared, streaking down towards the hollow, and pressed its paw to the knot on the tree. A narrow, dark passage opened, and Remus staggered towards it, blinking sweat out of his eyes. The familiar stag trotted up beside him, hidden in the shadow of the willow, and Remus leant against it, using James as a crutch to get down the passage. It was difficult for James to fit through, so he waited for Peter, Remus and Sirius, who'd bounded up behind Remus, tail wagging to go through, then went through himself, down to the Shrieking Shack._

 _Peter as a rat leapt up onto the piano and sat there, James clopped over to the corner, knocking over the piano stool with a quick kick and an amused snort. Sirius laid down at Remus' feet, tail still wagging. He was always the most excited for the full moons. Remus had found out later that one of the slightly gross reasons might have been that Sirius got to see Remus naked the next morning, but he ignored that fact, because it made him embarrassed. He was covered in scars._

 _Remus had leaning against the wall, away from the window, and watched the sun disappear below the horizon. The sky was light indigo, streaked with orange. His body was tingling, almost crackling with energy in anticipation of the transformation, and it surged as the full moon neared its emerge. Remus swayed, stumbling, and pitched forward, too tired to stop his fall-  
"Careful, Lupin. I may be beautiful, but there's no need to swoon-"  
Sirius had transformed faster than Remus had seen before and caught him, strong arms holding him up around his waist. His mouth was curled in a smirk, but his grey eyes were dark and stormy with concern. The intimacy in his gaze was too much for Remus, too close and personal and gentle, the way you looked at someone before you kissed them.  
There was so much trust in that look._

 _"_ _Sirius! You need to transform, the moon-"  
Remus' body tensed and began to shake. Between his chattering teeth he desperately forced out, "Sirius!"_

 _Sirius' curly hair turned into fur as he shrank down to Padfoot, and he stayed by Remus' side though the others backed away as his screams were cut off by howls._

 **This again is quite a short chapter, but I'm writing the next one now so hopefully I'll have it up either today or tomorrow? I'm not sure. Let me know what you thought/think/want/like, etc!  
Thank you to everyone who has followed, favourited and reviewed- please do the same if you liked it!  
** **Fly x**


	10. Chapter 10

Remus was lying, spread-eagled on his office floor's dirty carpet, staring up at the ceiling. He was covered in a light sheen of sweat, breathing heavily, and embarrassingly naked, but the calm fog that had spread over his mind in the absence of the excruciating pain he'd just experienced meant he needed a moment to recover and properly awaken before he could stand up and get dressed into the clothes he'd stowed away in his cupboard.  
The clock on the mantelpiece said it was obscenely early, the time he'd wakeup uniquely on the morning after full moons, because despite his having to wake up at six to get ready for his lessons most days, he still hated getting up in the mornings, the way he had in his student days. It had needed James to drag him out of bed nearly every morning.  
Remus missed them more every full moon, and he missed them more every day that wasn't a full moon, if that were possible.

His joints were aching and his head was pounding. Years ago, he would have gone to the Hospital Wing. But he was used to pain now. He'd break every bone in his body to get his old, dangerous life back. The safety and security was killing him, the way it would be killing Sirius if he were there. Sirius, who couldn't sit still for thirty seconds, let alone do what Remus had done and get a normal job, with a timetable and a routine. Everything about Sirius was spontaneous and reckless and sudden and exciting. _Maybe that was why I fell for him_ , Remus ruminated, yanking on his trousers. _I needed something exciting.  
_ He knew that wasn't the case, but pretending made him feel better, even just a little bit.  
 _He'd die before going Azkaban_ , Remus knew. _It's probably driven him mad.  
Good, a_ savage part of him whispered. _He deserves it._

Remus took his teapot and teabags out, made himself a cup of tea, and took the special bar of Honeydukes luxury chocolate he'd bought as a treat for himself for after the full moon out of his drawer, broke himself off a square and nibbled on it thoughtfully.

There were no sounds in the corridor, so Remus shoved the rest of the chocolate square into his mouth, buttoned up his jacket and walked slowly out into the hall, looking around for anyone, but it was abandoned as predicted.  
He strolled through the school, passing a lone cat that hissed at him. Cats had always had that reaction towards him; he assumed it was something to do with the wolf inside of him, the dog. Ironically, both cats _and_ dogs loved Sirius.  
He walked through the Entrance Hall, across the courtyard, down to the bridge, across it and out onto the grounds. It was cold, with a brisk wind, and there was moisture in the air. He didn't need tea leaves to predict rain.  
It would be nice, a rainstorm. Contrary to the general consensus, Remus loved the rain, for two reasons. One, it washed away everything, leaving a damp, good-smelling earth and a fresh outlook. Secondly, he had a good memory of splashing in puddles wearing his mother's too big wellington boots on spring mornings, and that was one of his best memories with his mother and father when he was young. His childhood had been sweet, but darkened and hidden in the shadow of his lycanthropy, so when he told his father that he had been given the opportunity to take the Wolfsbane Potion and take control of his lycanthropy, he had excused himself, overcome with emotion.  
Remus smiled wanly as he crossed the lawn and went to sit under the smaller willow tree next to the lake. In the deep water, the Giant Squid was splashing around, amusing itself by flailing around in the cold. He leant his head back against the trunk of the tree and closed his eyes.  
Peter, James and Sirius-  
It was easier to say their names, he thought. He felt pathetic, but it was still difficult to remember them.  
He had made peace with Sirius' betrayal, or he had decided that he had.  
Peter, James and Sirius would excuse themselves from History of Magic or Divination and sneak into the Hospital Wing to see him, usually with Exploding Snap or Gobstones or just their tales of woe in detention or encounters with the Slytherins, hastily crowding under the Invisibility Cloak whenever they heard Madam Pomfrey coming. They thought they were masters of concealment and stealth, but thinking back, Remus was sure that she knew, and felt a swell of warmth towards the kindly Healer.

Remus had promised to visit Madam Pomfrey early that morning for her to examine him, despite his constant and repetitive assurances that he would be fine, because she seemed to still see him as his vulnerable, tired sixteen-year old self, instead of his less vulnerable but just as tired thirty three year old self.

He hiked wearily back up to the castle, and a few minutes later arrived at the Hospital Wing, pushing the door open tentatively, wincing at the _creak_. "Poppy?"  
Calling her by her first name was foreign to him, and the name felt alien on his tongue: he didn't know anyone else called Poppy, and he didn't think he called anyone else Poppy in his life.  
There was a first year boy Remus recognised from one of his classes ( _Freddie_ , he noted) sleeping in one of the beds near the door, a bucket next to his bed, and a girl with long wavy blonde hair lying on her side with her back to him. Remus instantly lowered his voice, flushing, and tiptoed up to the nurse's station. "Poppy?"  
A bleary-eyed Madam Pomfrey came out, tying her pink dressing gown, a bottle of potion in one hand and her wand in the other. On seeing him, she smiled hurriedly then bustled out, in a rush as always, keeping her voice low.  
"All right, Remus, what are your injuries-"  
"I'm fine, Poppy. No injuries."  
"I don't believe you." She said immediately, and raised her wand threateningly. "Don't make me magically scan you."  
"Really, I'm fine. Just sore, headache, like usual. No scratches or anything."  
She eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure?"  
"Yes." He said patiently. "If you're happy, I'll leave you to tend to your other patients."  
"At least let me get you a headache potion." She didn't wait for his reply, just went back into the nurse's station and came back with two bottles, holding him out to him. "The green one's for your headache, the black one is for the sore muscles. If the headache persists, come back as soon as you get the chance. Understand?"  
"Yes." He smiled gratefully at her. "Thank you Poppy."  
"You're taking the day off, aren't you? You better be taking the day off."  
"Professor McGonagall insisted."  
Madam Pomfrey smiled tiredly. "Well if Minerva insisted…remember, come back if you don't feel better within a few hours."  
"I will." Remus had no intentions of going back and bothering her again. "Thanks again, Poppy."

Remus left, and as he headed back to his room the castle was starting to awaken from its slumber, filled with little hums of life. A girl heading down to the empty Great Hall to read in the quiet, battered book under her arm, a frog croaking and leaping across the Entrance Hall that Remus picked up and spelled back into its soggy cardboard box container with a sigh, one second-year boy chasing another, the first clutching a fistful of papers and laughing raucously and the other in hot pursuit, shouting angrily about _that's my essay you bloody twat,_ Professor Binns asleep in his armchair in the staff room, fully visible through the open staff room door, mouth wide open, flickering in and out of transparency with every snore, and Remus, who stopped at a window in an empty corridor to catch his breath, already exhausted, the transformation costing a lot of exertion and making him raw and aching for a few days afterwards. As he composed himself, he stared at the grounds. A ginger cat was walking lazily across the grass, and he followed it with its eyes as it trekked towards the forest. At the edge of the trees, it padded up to something amidst the branches, trunks and leaves, and Remus thought he caught sight of two enormous pearly eyes and the shadow of a hulking black dog.

He shook his head and carried on back to his office. He saw Sirius everywhere.  
Remus didn't like his bedroom, and that was why he spent so much time in his office.  
It wasn't that his room wasn't comfortable, it was fine- in fact, it was a lot nicer than some of the pretty awful places Remus had slept in in the past thirteen years- but the space was entirely too similar to their old dormitory. The bed had the same worn, dust hangings pulled around it, the mattress was once again almost too soft, like you'd sink into it, the rug in the middle of the carpet was the same pattern as the one that had been in front of the fire, the chest of drawers of the same and the water pipes made the same affronted, gurgling noises of protest when he turned on the shower.  
Maybe he should have found a way to swallow his grief before then. Maybe.  
But Remus had lost his daughter, his three best friends, the man he loved and trusted and believed in, his place in the Order meaning that he was no longer needed, his dream of becoming a teacher, and most damagingly the people around him. He'd pushed the few left standing away, scared of trusting anyone else the way he trusted Sirius, because Remus no longer trusted the world. He no longer trusted the universe to deal him a good hand, to tilt the odds in his favour, because time and time again it had let him down. With his lycanthropy, with his loneliness and anxiety, with the betrayal, with his mother's early death, with his short moments of happiness being torn away. His joy was like a suddenly lit match- it sparked, flared bright and strong and powerful and passionate, and then was quickly snuffed out.

He hoped finding Hermione wouldn't be like a lit match; he hoped it wouldn't burn out.

 **Don't worry, Hermione** ** _will_** **go to see Remus probably in the next chapter? Let me know if you want that to be sooner or later, because otherwise I might write it a bit later...I'm not sure yet.  
Anyway! More reviews=faster updates (because I get super excited and motivated)  
Thanks you guys!  
Fly x**


	11. Chapter 11

There were many moments with Sirius that Remus couldn't bear to remember, but also couldn't bear to forget, so he kept them locked inside a trunk in his mind, not able to let them go but not wanting to look at them.  
There were some moments, the arguments and the upset nights, that he'd banished to the back of his mind.  
And there were some moments, some memories that he painfully wanted to erase, because they were the ones that made it difficult for him to accept that Sirius was a murderer that he had led to the deaths of their best friends.

Remus took his day off to tidy up his office and his rooms, going through the trunk that he also had packed. He lived out of that one truck for a while, barely settling, because staying in one place meant fully unpacking, and he knew that there were photographs at the bottom of the trunk in a flat cardboard box that he didn't think he could stomach seeing.

But when he'd reorganised everything and hung up his clothes in his wardrobe, he finally took out the old box, walked down to his office and set it on his desk, sitting down and ready to open them.

There was a noise outside, a loud, pained shout, and then a gasp, and Remus froze, listening hard. Quiet pants in between sobs was what it sounded like to Remus, over the years he'd become familiar with the sound.

He stood up and opened his office door. Across the corridor was a boy with curly black hair, sat on the floor, head in between his legs, gasping, evidently panicking.

Remus walked over to him slowly, as if not to spook a wild animal, and said quietly. "Would you like to come in my office? It's a little less exposed than the corridor."  
The boy started, then nodded and hurried through the open door of the office without looking at Remus.  
Remus shut the door behind him, and watched as the student sat down in the chair behind Remus' desk. The boy was the Slytherin George Hardstark, the fourth-year he'd last taught a few days previously, a snarky, sneering student with little interest in DADA and a loud mouth to express it. Now, however, he wasn't jeering or mocking Remus, he was struggling to compose himself, wiping his eyes angrily on his sleeve and glaring at the floor.

"Are you all right, George?"  
"I'm fine." He snapped immediately. "I don't know why you asked me in here, anyway."  
"You're free to go." Remus gestured towards the door calmly, but the boy didn't move.

They sat there in silence for a while, Remus holding the box in his hands but not opening it.  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"No." George spat.  
He didn't speak for a minute, and then all of a sudden a waterfall of words came flowing out of his mouth.  
"It's stupid because my mother and father expect me to marry this stupid Beatrice girl as soon as I leave after fifth year, and it's ridiculous because I haven't even met her and besides I don't even like girls anyway but that's not the point they're such wankers they don't listen and it's not fair and they expect me to just _marry_ her like it's no big deal but this is my whole life and they expect me to just drop out of school and give up everything, like I'm the best in my class at Transfiguration but they just want me to forget that and marry this random girl who I don't even know when I really want to stay here and do my OWLs and my NEWTs and leave and become a teacher."  
Remus blinked. He'd always seemed to have that effect on people, something that made them want to talk to him, but here it was a little unnerving. "Okay. Is there anything else?"  
"There'sthisboyinmyyearandwe'reseeingeachotherandhe'sagryffindorandnoonecanknowandit'sdrivingmecrazy."  
Remus blinked again. He'd barely caught the boy's words, but he'd got the gist.  
George stood up suddenly, looking panicked. "I shouldn't have told you that, I, I have to go-"  
"What lesson are you supposed to be in?" Remus asked. The question seemed to confuse George.  
"Lesson?"  
"Yes, George. What lesson?"  
"Potions. With...Professor Snape."  
"Okay."  
"Why?" George looked fearful.  
"Just so I can tell them that you were with me, so you don't get in trouble."  
"Oh," He visibly relaxed. "Oh, okay."  
"If you get like that again, you can come back here, okay?" Remus said kindly.  
"I don't know what you're talking about." George scoffed, but there was thanks in his eyes as he nodded awkwardly at Remus. "See you next lesson, Professor."  
"Have a nice day, George."

Remus watched the Slytherin leave, frowning, then lifted the lid off the box.

* * *

Sirius was in Remus' dreams that night.

Remus often had nightmares about the night of Lily and James' murder and the night that Sirius disappeared, but this was different. They were in Remus' childhood bedroom, though Remus was sure Sirius had never been there, sitting on the bed with its homemade, patchwork quilt, and Sirius was levitating their jumper in the air.  
The story behind _their jumper_ started in their fifth year at Hogwarts. Sirius and James were always seen as the best friends, and he supposed that they were, but Remus and Sirius had always been closer in weird, little ways. Like how Sirius would crawl into Remus' bed when he had a nightmare, from first year to seventh year, and none of them either saw anything more to it, because that was just how it was. Or how they'd sit so close on the sofa that they practically sat on top of each other, legs and arms thrown out and tangled up, or how Sirius would lay stretched out on the sofa with his head in Remus' lap, and Remus would sometimes absent-mindedly play with his hair…  
Anyway, the four of them accidentally shared clothes all the time, but the jumper was the first thing Remus and Sirius consciously shared. Remus didn't know who's the jumper's was originally, but it was soft and warm and black and comfortable and fit both of them, and they argued over who got to wear it constantly.  
Remus was usually the one that caved and let Sirius wear it, but on their morning before their first date, Sirius had handed it to him with a shy, tentative, excited smile, an expression that Remus had never seen on his face before. It was an expression he reserved only for Remus.

"Remus," Dream Sirius said, grinning in the way only he did. He looked how Remus remembered him, not like the gaunt, skeletal stranger who was on the front page of every newspaper in the wizarding world.  
"Do you remember that time in first year when we were caught by Filch trying to break into his office, to get back James' Fanged Frisbee?"  
Remus would have replied but he was frozen in the dream, unable to move.  
"We wouldn't have got in trouble, we had an unusually good excuse because you made it up, but McGonagall didn't know us that well then, so she told us that the person who owned up and told the truth wouldn't get detention and the rest of us would. Do you remember, Moony?"  
Sirius grew sad, and he slowly let their jumper fall to the floor. "You don't remember."  
Remus wanted to apologise, but he couldn't move.  
"Try and remember, Moony." Sirius looked into his eyes, face earnest. "Remember for me."

Then Remus woke up, face wet with tears.

* * *

The next morning, there was a faint knock on Remus' office door as he sat at his desk, tiredly reading through some of the fifth years' essays and sipping his lukewarm tea with a grimace. Thankful for the interval in correcting one particular girl's awful spelling, Remus set his chipped teacup down in its battered saucer. "Come in!"

The door swung open quicker than it usually would, as if someone was leaning their whole body weight on it, and Hermione stumbled in, holding onto the door knob like it was a life line. She was pallid and pale, covered in thin sheen of sweat, gasping in uneven breaths. Remus' pulse thundered in his ears, heart rate rising along with his concern.  
"Hermione. Are you alright?"  
She held up a piece of folded Muggle paper, waving it like a flag, then stared at him accusingly, eyes fiery and determined but cloudy with doubt. "This letter…" She took a deep breath. "My mum said to come here. Why? What's going on?"  
Remus stomach dropped out, he felt sick, and clenched his fingers tightly around his teacup.

 **Yeah, sorry, cliffhanger alert!  
More reviews=faster update (because I have a _lot_ to do and need prioritise but getting reviews makes me super motivated)  
Thanks you guys!  
Fly x**


	12. Chapter 12

Hermione's eyes were blazing. "My mum said to come here. Why? What's going on?"

Remus stared at her, stunned.  
She persisted impatiently. "Professor?"  
"Hermione," Remus regained his composure. "Start from the beginning? What did your mother say?"  
"But why did she tell me to…why did she tell me to-"  
"Hermione." Remus knew he needed to calm her down. "Beginning. Sit down if you want. What did your mother say?"  
She slid into the chair behind his desk, and put the letter on the table.  
"She, my parents sent me a letter, she said that, that they weren't actually my parents, that…"  
Hermione took a few deep breaths, pushed her hair behind her ears and blinked quickly for a few seconds, then finished and nodded. The speed with which she pulled herself back together was impressive.  
"I got a letter, but I don't understand what any of this has to do with you."  
"Did your mother-"  
"Enough about my mother."  
" _Hermione_." Remus' voice was sharp. "Can I see the letter?"  
She pushed it towards him with shaking hands.

 _Hermione,  
My husband and I have looked after you since you were just a toddler. We have tried our best to love you and care for you, and we have treated you like our own. But unfortunately you are not our own.  
We are not your parents. We agreed to look after you when you were just a baby.  
We're sorry to have to tell you in such a manner. We will write again soon.  
Regards,  
Dan and Emma Granger._

 _(Go and speak to Remus Lupin.)_

Remus' stomach dropped.  
Hermione stared at him furiously. "Is it true?"  
Remus fought to compose himself, keeping his voice as even as possible. Years of keeping secrets had made him absurdly good at lying and honed his acting skills nicely. "I'm sorry?"  
"What my mum and dad wrote me. _This_. Is it true?"  
"I'm afraid I don't understand-"  
"And what do _you_ have anything to do with any of this?"  
"Hermione, I really don't-"  
"Tell me the _truth_!" She demanded.  
Remus took several slow, deep breaths, the way his childhood Healer had taught him to control himself through the agony of the lycanthropic transformation, and began.  
"What your parents told you is the truth. They are not your original parents."  
"No." Hermione said blankly, standing up and backing away from the desk. "No." She repeated, as if trying to convince herself. "No, no, no, no, no. No. You're lying. You're lying. Stop lying. Stop LYING!"  
"I'm not lying, Hermione."  
"You _are_!" She shouted. "You _are_! You must be! You're lying!"  
"Hermione, you need to calm down. This is not helping."  
"But you're lying! They're lying! Why are they lying? Why are _you_ lying? I don't even _know_ you! _They_ don't even know you!"  
"I met your parents fleetingly years ago. We've been corresponding through letters recently."  
"So this was _your_ idea, to lie? Well _very funny_!"  
"Hermione."  
" _What_?" She snapped.  
He just looked at her, waiting for her to calm herself down. She looked on the verge of tears, but after a few minutes, she composed herself again, and sat heavily down on the seat behind his desk. Her eyes were then dark and raw, embarrassed and sad. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, Professor."  
"It's quite alright, Hermione. It's understandable. You've had a big shock."  
"Why did they tell me to come to you, of all people, to tell me? I mean, it's not something you can tell over letter, so they could have come up here, or…or at least tell me to go to Professor McGonagall…"  
"Yes, that would have been sensible." Remus sighed. "Unfortunately your parents didn't do that."  
"They're not my parents." She said quickly. "At least that's what they're saying, isn't it? That's what you just said. That they're not my parents."  
"It's…complicated."  
"But what do _you_ have to do with any of this?" She repeated, leaning forward slightly.  
"Ah!" Remus exhaled. "Yes. All right. Hermione..."  
"Yes?" She said impatiently.  
"This is going to sound impossible. Crazy. And entirely not true. But I assure you that it is."  
"What it is?" Hermione commanded, eyes hollow and sinking with panic.  
Remus clenched his fingers around his teacup and squeezed in desperation. The liquid inside was warm and made him shiver, which only made Hermione's posture more tense. His eyes darted to the door; he wanted to run, but he couldn't. He was stuck, rooted to the spot, with Hermione staring expectantly at him, drumming her own fingernails on the table absent-mindedly, nervously.  
"Hermione, I'm…"  
"Just _say it_!" She barked.

Remus opened his mouth, and moved his mouth to form the words but no sound came out.  
Hermione's eyes flashed, and she crossed her arms, as if to say " _I'm waiting."_  
The bell rang out, loud and brazenly interrupting the crucial moment. Hermione tensed and fidgeted, obviously wanting to go, even though her hands were still shaking, her eyes were dark and unbelieving, and she was shell-shocked from the traumatic news. "Professor, please just _say it_. I want to go, I need to, I need to do something. I can't…just say it."  
"Hermione…"  
Remus damned Sirius to hell.  
"I'm your father."

Everything seemed suspended in time. Even the dust spirals swirling around in the light seemed to stop.  
Hermione's mouth, instead of dropping open in surprise, shut tight, and her eyes widened. She touched her mouth with her fingertips, and her breath hitched in her throat.

"Hermione-"

She welled up with tears, but her face wasn't just upset and angry, it was confused and warped with disbelief, as she stood up with enough force to knock the chair over and yanked open the door, slamming it behind her as she stormed out, yanking up her school bag from the floor and letting it swing behind her. Her running footsteps echoed in the corridor. Remus, who had stood up instinctively at the bang, stared at the upturned chair for a moment, its legs sticking out like a wounded animal, then resumed his place in the armchair behind the desk. The sight of the objects on the table swam before his tear-filled eyes as he brought the china to his lips.

His tea had gone cold.

 **…what did you think? Did you like it?**

 **Sorry it's been ages, but I think this chapter and** ** _especially_** **the next one will make up for it.  
(She will come back in the next chapter, so there will be a proper explanation, don't worry!)**

 **More reviews=faster update, because I have TONS of stuff to do! :)**

 **Thanks,  
Fly x**


	13. Chapter 13

Hermione came back later that day, eyes dim, dark and apologetic. Embarrassed. Her cheeks were pink and flushed.  
She avoided eye contact as she walked in and fiddled with the hem of her sleeves anxiously.

"Are you really my father, Professor Lupin?"  
A sort of childish confusion had crept into her voice, doubting, seeking reassurance like a drowning man longs for air, a toddler crying to their parents questioning the existence of the Tooth Fairy.  
"Maybe you should sit down Hermione."

She did, perching on the edge of the wooden seat of the dining room, but never taking her eyes off him, incredulous, hollow.

"I am not your biological father."  
Hermione opened her mouth, inhaling to speak, but Remus raised his hand; she flinched, mouth snapping shut. Heart sinking, Remus made a mental note of the action and continued.  
"Your biological parents left you. Abandoned you in their flat for three days by yourself when you were three months old. They were drug addicts, and they put their addiction before you, their child. Social Services got involved, you went into care temporarily, as they went into rehabilitation for their drug dependency. They were the only family you had, as all of their relatives had cut ties with them before their marriage. When you were five months old…"  
Remus stopped, to catch his breath. Hermione looked at him, seemingly emotionless.  
"When you were five months old, they were in a crash, while driving under the influence of alcohol, and something else they're not sure about. Drove straight into a concrete pillar. Were killed instantly."  
It was now his turn to fiddle with the hem of his jumper to avoid her sharp gaze.  
"You were put into an orphanage. And then…a few weeks later…we…we adopted you."  
Remus closed his eyes at the thought of the gloriously sunny day.  
"No one wanted us to. Everyone told us not to. It was at the beginning of a war…we were too young…and we were a... _controversial_ couple as it was…but we were _adamant_ …" Remus remembered Sirius' frustrated conversations with the manager of the orphanage, with James' mother, with everyone, it seemed. Even with himself.  
"But we saw you… _I_ saw you…and we had a reason to fight. We had a reason to win."  
Clenching his fists quickly, Remus continued, still staring doggedly into his lap. These memories were too sharp. Too raw. Too personal. He hated this. He hated it.  
"Our friends had a son too…an extraordinary little boy…so much like James…and together us and them…we raised you until you were nearly two…and he was one and a bit…" Remus steeled himself and forced himself to meet her eyes.  
"The day Lily and James Potter were murdered was the worst day of my life."  
Hermione gave an involuntary little gasp. "Harry's parents…?" He nodded once.  
"Suddenly James and Lily were dead, and so was Peter…Harry was taken away to live with his aunt and uncle and he…it was just you and me. I had lost everyone, apart from you. But it wasn't safe for you. You weren't safe with me. I had to take you somewhere you would be safe."

There was a long silence that seemed to stretch on for thirteen years, then Hermione braced herself against the arms of her chair as if to push herself to her feet, and spoke in a breaking, monotone voice.  
"You said us. You said we. Who was the other person? What happened to them?"  
Remus' insides went cold. He made a quiet, almost strangled noise in the back of his throat.  
"Dead."  
The lie sat between them, curdled and stinking.  
Hermione rose slowly from her chair this time, and her whole body was trembling.  
"I should…I should probably go," She said too loudly, wiping her eyes quickly. "You know, to dinner. The bell rang a while ago. Harry and Ron, they'll…they'll be worried."  
"Have you told them yet?" Remus asked quietly, eyes creased with concern.  
"No. No. I don't know how…I don't know how I'm going to…" She laughed hollowly. "I don't know how I'm going to…with any of this. I don't know. I don't…" She laughed again, shocked, but tears glittered under her eyes. "I don't know."  
"You should talk to someone about this." He said. "You should. It will help. Maybe not straight away, maybe you don't think it will, but you need to. Don't keep it bottled it up, okay? Take your time. I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but please talk to someone. Harry and Ron, or Professor McGonagall, or someone."  
She nodded dumbly. "I could…I have to talk to my parents. I need to…I need to write to them. But I don't want…how could _lie_ to me? How _could they_? How? How could they…" Her eyes were suddenly fiery.  
"You probably do need to discuss it more with them in length-"  
"Yes! I do! But, but, you should write to them too!"  
"I will-"  
"Because they, they should have told me themselves, I don't even know you, I mean, you're my father," She laughed again, sounding almost crazed. "But I barely know you, I mean you're my _teacher_ ¸ you can't be my father- I mean, they may not like me very much but they could at least tell me in _person_ , like this is big! This is big! This is important! This is…this is that I'm adopted…I'm _adopted!"_

"Okay," Remus said soothingly. "Okay. Okay. Do you need me to take you to McGonagall, or can you go yourself?"  
"I don't need to go to McGonagall!" Hermione insisted, tears rolling down her face and leaning towards the door. "I don't need to-"  
"Maybe you should go and calm down first, Hermione."  
"Maybe." She mumbled. "Maybe."  
"Okay." Remus watched as she took a few deep breaths, and then smiled weakly at him.  
"Um, thanks, I guess…Professor."

Hermione left and shut the door softly.

Remus let out a huge exhale and laid his head back on the top of his chair, heart pounding.

He was so absorbed in his worried ponderings that he wasn't sure how long it was before there was a loud, forceful knock on the door. He jumped up, and said shakily, in a way that made it sound more like a question, "Come in?"  
The door swung open and Minerva McGonagall stormed in, face dry and unimpressed.  
Remus was looking at her, but his mind was elsewhere. He wasn't fully aware she'd come in, and didn't even manage a greeting, just made a small anxious 'hm' noise as if he'd just thought of something that troubled him.

"Remus," Professor McGonagall said impatiently. " _Remus_!"  
"Yes? Yes, sorry, sorry Minerva." Remus blinked at her. "What is it?"  
She raised an eyebrow. "Hermione Granger just left my office."  
"Oh," He sighed tiredly. "Oh. Is she all right?"  
"She's better now I got Poppy to give her a calming potion. I've sent some food up and I've told her to go up to her dormitory."  
"Good. _Good._ Thank you-"  
"What on _earth_ possessed you, Remus Lupin?" She hissed, eyes blazing. "Why on _earth_ did you think it was a good idea to tell her-"  
"It's wasn't me, it was her parents, they told her. Then they told her to come to me to explain to the rest."  
"And _why_ on _earth_ would they do that?"  
"Well we've been writing-"  
"Writing? You've been _writing_ to her _parents_?"  
"Yes, I know, but I'm worried about her, Minerva, I think they're not treating her properly, I mean-"  
"You can't just come into her life after _twelve years_ and accuse her parents of _abusing her_ -"  
"They're kicking her out, Minerva! They're going to kick her out now she knows that she's not hers! What kind of parent _does that_?"  
"It's not your job to decide that, Remus! You're the one who…"  
He shot to his feet.  
"Who what? Gave her up? I know that! I know that! And I hate that! Don't you know how much I regret it, don't you know how much it hurts, _all the time_ , because I lost James and Lily and Peter and goddamn him Sirius and then I lost her too! Because _I_ gave her up! I know! I know! Because I'm the one who has to live with it! And if they're…if they've _hurt her_ it's my fault…I wouldn't be able to…I mean, it would be my fault! So, I know, Minerva! I know!"

Remus collapsed back down into his chair, head in his hands, taking deep breaths. Minerva could see he was close to breaking down, and her face showed shame as she straightened her blazer and robes.  
"I apologise. That was very unprofessional."  
"I'm sorry too." Remus sighed. "I didn't mean to shout."  
"I'm going to write to her parents and ask concerning whether they want to meet with her and me to discuss this further."  
"They won't want to." Remus said immediately. "They left it down to me to tell her everything apart from very bluntly telling her that she's adopted."  
"I know. She showed me the letter." Minerva gestured to the chair behind the desk. "May I sit down?"

"Of course, of course, I'm sorry. Please," He waved an affirmative and she sat, folding her hands in front of her with her elbows propped up on the desk.  
"I assume this must be difficult, what with teaching Mr Potter and Miss Granger, while Black is a fugitive, but I assure you Albus has the castle under the highest security charms, many of his own invention, and-"  
"I'm fine." Remus said suddenly. "I'm fine. Really. Just tired."  
Professor McGonagall watched him sadly with the expression full of sympathy. She didn't comment on the obvious lie.  
"How was the full moon? I know you went to see Poppy-"  
"It was fine. The best I've had in ages, it was incredible. The Wolfsbane, it's like a miracle cure."  
"Good." She smiled shortly. "That's excellent to hear. Now, I'm going to finish off my marking. Dinner has finished, but I'm sure the house elves would get you something to eat if you went down to the kitchen."  
"Mhm." Remus mumbled, smiling wearily at her, but his mind had retreated back into his worrying state and after bidding each other goodnight, Professor McGonagall left.

Remus knew he could go down to the kitchens for dinner, but he didn't, even though his stomach was grumbling.  
He wasn't hungry.

 **This chapter was nearly double the length of the last one, and I hope it answered most of your questions?  
I was going to wait a bit longer to post this but I'd written it and lots of you had reviewed asking for it to be updated- thank you!- so I did :)  
I hope you liked it- please let me know what you thought!  
Don't forget to follow, favourite and review!  
Thank you all,  
Fly xx**


	14. Chapter 14

Remus was heading back to his office after the feast the next day, tired and dreading the lesson planning he knew he had to do when he got back there, but stopped as there was an eruption of noise further down the hall. He turned, confused, and walked slowly back down to the Entrance Hall and towards the noise.

There was a large crowd surrounding the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, the hubbub of nervous, puzzled chatter loud despite the hour. Remus didn't try to push his way to the front, but caught the sleeve of one of the first years he recognised, Lucas.  
"Lucas? What's going on?"  
"It's the Fat Lady!" He said excitedly. "She's gone! And there are big scratches all in the painting and everything!"  
Ahead of him, in front of the portrait, Percy was barking out orders for everyone to move out the way as Professor Dumbledore swept up the stairs and through the huddle of worried Gryffindors effortlessly. Professor McGonagall wasn't far behind him, with Snape storming up a few paces behind and Remus hurried up with them to try and see what was going on.

His eyes widened as he took in the torn and destroyed portrait; it was marred with vicious, angry slashes, and the floor was littered with flecks of paint and scraps of the canvas. The Fat Lady was nowhere to be seen.  
Professor Dumbledore turned and spoke to Remus, Snape and McGonagall briskly.  
"We need to find the Fat Lady. Professor McGonagall, please go and find Mr Filch immediately and tell him to search every painting in the castle for her-"  
"Ha! You'll be lucky!"  
Dumbledore looked up at the giggling poltergeist, who was floating over the crowd with a malicious smile on his face.  
"What do you mean, Peeves?"  
The ghost pulled an exaggerated sad face and adopted an unctuous tone.  
"Ashamed, Your Headship. She doesn't want to be seen, see? I saw her running through the landscape up on the fourth floor, sir, you know, dodging around the trees. Oh, she was crying something dreadful!" He declared, delighted. "Poor thing."

"Did she say who did it?" The Headmaster pressed quietly.  
"Oh yes, Professor Head!" He crowed triumphantly, grin a lit fuse. "He got very angry when she wouldn't let him in, see?"  
Peeves bent over and peeked at the Headmaster through his own legs, smirking.  
"Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."

A rumble of frightened whispers rippled through the Gryffindors.

Remus couldn't believe what he had just witnessed, and so assumed he had heard incorrectly.

Professor Dumbledore turned around, face grave, and quickly began dispensing orders.  
"Gryffindors, you will follow the Head Boy to the Great Hall and stay there. Professor McGonagall, please find Professors Flitwick and Sprout and tell them to take the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs to the Great Hall. Professor Snape, kindly do the same with your House. Off you go."  
After some hesitant shuffling, the Gryffindors followed Percy reluctantly as they trooped back into the Great Hall. As they cleared the area, Remus approached Dumbledore, still shell-shocked.  
"Is there anything I can do to help, Albus?"  
"I will be organising a complete search of the castle," He said calmly. "You may assist with that, if you feel yourself able to."  
"If you're talking about my previous associations with Black, that will not impede my ability to-"  
"I was merely referring to the recent full moon. As you feel you are capable, you may wait here for the other teachers to arrive and then you can search the castle. I must go and inform the Dementors of the incident."  
"I see." Remus muttered. "I'll do that."

The Headmaster strode off in the direction of the front doors.

* * *

The corridors were dark, and Remus yawned as he held his lit wand in front of him. He had been sent to check the Astronomy Tower, the corridors beyond it, and, as Filch had croaked, 'every cupboard, attic, nook and cranny' in the area. It had been about an hour since the feast, and Remus had barely even started searching.

It was deathly silent apart from Remus' footsteps and his breathing as he walked slowly down the last corridor with classrooms in it before he would climb the narrow stairs to search the Tower.  
He slammed open the first door to stop it from creaking and make sure there was no one behind it, then lit the lamps with a wave of his wand and proceeded to check in every possible hiding place in the room. Everything was eerily still.  
There was no one in the room, but Remus felt like something was watching him, moving as quietly as possible as if frightened of scaring someone out of hiding.

He didn't know how to feel.  
Part of him wanted to him to find Sirius. To do what, he didn't know.  
When he had finished checking that room, he turned off the lights and preceded to the next classroom, then the next, and then so on until there were no more classrooms left to check. The old-fashioned gas lamps made the light flicker and the shadows dance spookily.

Remus climbed the narrow stairs to the Astronomy Tower and crossed the darkened room to stand at the balcony for a moment, looking up at the sky.

 _"Remus?"_  
 _The hushed whisper made Remus start, and he turned his head to look, frowning. "Sirius? What are you doing up here?"_  
 _"I could ask you the same question."_  
 _Sirius made his way to next to Remus, tugging the sleeve of their jumper back into place and plonking his backside next to him. They were so close that Sirius' hair tickled Remus' face, and he shuffled a little away from him._  
 _"Did you follow me?"_  
 _"I saw you leave." Sirius shrugged, flashing him a grin._  
 _"Damn," Remus muttered. "I thought you were asleep."_  
 _"Why did you come up here?"_  
 _"I come up here all the time."_  
 _"Yeah I know, you come up here before full moons. But it was the full moon two weeks ago. Why did you come up tonight?"_  
 _"Just thinking. I can't sleep."_  
 _"What you thinking about?" Sirius said in a teasing, sing-song voice._  
 _"Nothing," Remus mumbled, blushing and staring at the floor._

 _When they were both quiet, Remus became fully aware of how close Sirius was, and looked at him out the corner of his eye. Sirius' elbows were propped up on his knees and his hands were splayed under his chin, and he looked tired and young and beautiful in the dark. His pale face looked silver in the moonlight._  
 _No. Remus wrenched his thoughts away from that dangerous place. We're not doing that now._  
 _Things had been getting sort of awkward between them recently, (though maybe it was only because Remus felt so awkward around Sirius as of late)._  
 _Sirius would sometimes get this look in his eyes when he looked at him, an expression Remus didn't recognise, and several times Remus had caught him staring at him. There was this weird tension between them that Remus had convinced himself he was imagining._  
 _Sometimes Remus thought Sirius knew, and that he was laughing at him, and that made him freeze with fear._  
 _He tried not to think about that._

 _"I'm glad you came up here tonight." Sirius said suddenly, with a weird look on his face. He seemed uncharacteristically nervous, fiddling with the hem of their shared jumper and tugging at his too short pyjama pants to try and get them to cover his ankles. Remus tried not to panic._  
 _"Um…why?" He whispered, voice breaking, then flushed, embarrassed._  
 _"I wanted to talk to you."_  
 _"You do?" Remus' fingers were clenched so tightly into fists in his lap that his knuckles were white._  
 _"Yeah." Sirius gulped and ran his hand through his hair. The display of nervousness was so rare that it made Remus feel sick. His hands were shaking._  
 _"O…Okay." Remus squeaked._  
 _"I'm not sure if I've been imagining things…" Sirius said, folding his arms and bending over like he had a stomach ache. "I wasn't going to say anything…but now it's…I mean…I can't not say anything anymore."_  
 _Remus couldn't breathe. All of his muscles were so tense that his jaw ached from being clenched so tightly. He squeezed his eyes shut, and his heart was thumping so loudly in his ears that he didn't hear what Sirius said next._  
 _There was a minute of silence._  
 _"Remus?" Sirius sounded worried. Remus was still holding his breath. "Remus?"_  
 _"Mhm?" He squeaked out._  
 _"Did you hear what I said?"_  
 _Remus shook his head._  
 _Sirius let out a shaky laugh. "Okay. Relax. Take a breath."_  
 _Remus exhaled hoarsely and ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm…sorry."_  
 _"Don't say sorry, you twat." Sirius rolled his eyes._  
 _"What…what did you say?" Remus whispered._  
 _"You're going to make me say it again?" Sirius huffed. "Typical."_  
 _Remus went to apologise, but Sirius was smiling nervously._

 _"I...I know it's probably not right, or stupid, or you won't…I mean…the thing is, I think..."_  
 _Remus' reply was ready on his lips. He was prepared to lie. I don't like you. Don't worry._

 _"I think I like you, Remus. Sort of."_  
 _Remus was so sure he was going to say something else that his breath hitched and he made a surprised, croaking squeak._  
 _"You…you like me?"_  
 _"I know you don't, I mean, I'm sure you don't…I mean, feel the same way, because you've been talking to that girl Daisy in Ravenclaw, but I felt like it was getting awkward. I mean, maybe it wasn't awkward, maybe I was imagining it, but-"_  
 _"You…you like me? Like, like me?"_  
 _Sirius was blushing. "That was the type of like you I was referring to, yes. But honestly, it's not a problem if you-"_  
 _"Sirius." Remus stopped him, emotions swirling inside of him. Then he started to laugh._  
 _The dark haired boy looked offended, standing up. "Fine. I get it. I'll see you tomorrow."_  
 _Remus sobered up at once and sprang to his feet, wincing as his knees clicked loudly. "No, no, wait, listen, I'm not laughing at you, I'm sorry-"_  
 _"It's fine," Sirius said curtly, face closing up and becoming distant and cold. "In fact, I think I might have been mistaken."_  
 _"Sirius-"_  
 _Remus grabbed his arm. They were so close Remus could smell the soap Sirius had used when he had showered._  
 _"You don't understand. I…I was so nervous because I thought that you had figured out, that I…you know," He mumbled, face fiery red. He fanned himself with the collar of his nightshirt. "Like, like you."_  
 _Sirius' face remained stony and Remus let go of his arm. "I'm sorry, I just didn't know how to-"_  
 _Then he stopped talking because they were kissing, and Sirius had grabbed him around the waist and pulled them together and Sirius' hair was in his face and Remus gripped the back of his jumper and even when they pulled apart they remained so close they were breathing each other's air until they both started to laugh._  
 _Sirius laughed so loudly that Remus clamped his hand over his mouth for fear of the joyous sound being heard by Filch._  
 _They stayed up there in the Tower until Sirius could barely keep his eyes open, and only then did they trudged down back to the dormitory, laughing quietly and hiding behind corners so they weren't caught by Filch._  
 _When they finally made it back to the dormitory, they snuck through the piles of things strewn across the floor and collapsed on Remus' bed, which was little way apart from the others._  
 _They woke up with their arms around each other._

He took one last look around the Astronomy Tower.

Remus started the walk back to the Great Hall.  
There was no one there.

 **Let me know what you thought! This was a bit longer and the plot will start moving a lot faster now so I hope you liked it!  
More reviews= faster updates as always!  
Thank you so much for all of your follows, favourites and reviews!  
Fly x**


	15. Chapter 15

After the full moon, Remus returned to teach a few days later his classes, a little sore but otherwise no worse for wear. All the third year class he had for his first lesson could talk about was the upcoming Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, surprisingly not the recent break-in, and he was getting a little tired of hearing about how Draco Malfoy had nearly had to have his arm amputated, which he very much doubted. He'd seen the boy swaggering around, brandishing his arm about like a conductor trying to control the growing rumours that he was actually too scared to go up against Gryffindor because Harry Potter would beat his arse.

On the morning of the match, there was one of the worst storms Remus had seen in years, and he resolved to watch the match from his office while sorting out the papers that he'd forgotten to lock away and had become either whipped around or torn during his transformation. He wasn't concentrating really, so he was busy re-writing one of his class lists when he absent-mindedly looked up and gasped.  
Dark shapes were swooping through the clouds, and there was a shape falling through the air towards the ground. Heart in his throat, he stared in horror and hoped to _Merlin_ that it was a broom, rising in his chair with his mouth half-open.

Chaos had erupted on the pitch, with people flooding out of the stands, and Remus rushed for the door, wand in hand.

By the time he reached the Entrance Hall students were flooding in, and he pushed through them to the nearest teacher he could see: Snape, who was ushering the children away from the doors, barking, "Out of the way!"  
"Severus," Remus said hurriedly. "What happened?"  
"Dementors," The man snapped. "Potter fell off his broom."  
Remus' heart leapt into his throat. "Is he alright?"  
"He's not dead." Snape retorted sharply, then moved forward, herding the students away from the door. "Out of the way!"

* * *

Despite the hubbub surrounding the catastrophe at the match, the main gossip filling the corridors was now about Sirius.  
No one seemed worried, something that annoyed him.

"How do _you_ think he got in?" One blonde Ravenclaw first-year hissed to her excited friend.  
"I think he can fly!" She replied eagerly. "How else could he have gotten past the Dementors?"  
 _"_ They just haven't grasped the severity of the situation, have they?" Percy remarked to Remus as he passed him, puffing out his chest so his Head Boy badge shone in the light of the torches as the redhead bustled off down the corridor.  
Remus privately agreed with him.

Harry had made a full recovery, but Remus had expected him to take it easy or something, so he was shocked when Harry had approached him at the end of their last lesson and asked him to teach him the Patronus Charm. Privately Remus didn't think he'd be able to do it, but when he looked at the boy all he could think of was James and he couldn't say no, so he was going to attempt to teach him the Patronus Charm. The main thing he was hoping was that Harry wouldn't ask him to demonstrate, because he couldn't show him a true, corporal Patronus. He could do it, of course he could, he was the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, but only Sirius had ever seen his Patronus, because it betrayed his secret.  
The wolf inside him would become a shimmering silvery wolf for everyone to see. The wolf inside him would be on display, and he hated it.

There was a knock on the door, and Remus frowned, confused. "Come in?"  
George Hardstark, the Slytherin who'd spilt his worries to him in a state of panic, opened the door.  
"Professor?"  
"George." Remus smiled pleasantly at him. "How can I help you?"  
"It's, it's about the essay you set."  
"The one arguing the pros and cons of amulets?"  
"Yeah, that one. I don't need help- I mean, I'm not asking for help, I just had a question."  
"Fire away."  
"I was reading about the amulets used to protect against vampires, but none of the books agree on whether a star shape or a cross shape is more effective."  
"All right." Remus thought for a moment. "Which do you think?"  
George blinked, apparently surprised. "Well, I, I guess the cross."  
"Why?"  
"Why? I don't know, why? You're the teacher, aren't you?"  
"You said the cross." Remus said patiently. "Why did you say the cross?"  
"Well, aren't crosses supposed to repel vampires?"  
"There's your answer then."  
"But…"  
"But what?"  
"But then stars have divine connotations, Muggle religion, and there are Muggle fairy tales about vampires, so that could be linked."  
"And…?" Remus prompted him to continue.  
"Stars are powerful symbols, but so are crosses, so I don't know."

"Have you read anything concerning the new theory put forward by Kathleen Stone?"  
"No?" George looked thoroughly lost, and Remus hurried to elucidate on a topic he was passionate about.  
"It is basically the very plausible idea that amulets are given most of their power by the belief the wearer has in it. Does that make sense?"  
"No."  
"Like the placebo effect. You believe the amulet will protect you, therefore theoretically, the witch or wizard's magic could potentially protect them, the way that children perform accidental magic before they can control it, often in times of danger. The magic user unintentionally could protect themselves to some degree, leading them to believe that the amulet works, giving the amulet its power, even though it could just be a pretty necklace."  
"Why do I care?" George retorted.  
"Basically, if you were faced with a vampire, which amulet would you rather have, a star-shaped one, or a cross? Which would make you feel more protected?"  
"I don't know…I mean, probably the cross, because it has a basis in magical fact rather than Muggle fiction-"  
"So the cross."  
"I guess so, yeah."  
"And there you have your answer."

"So the answer is what I believe is more effective?" George still looked confused, and frustrated. "But I could have done that by myself!"  
"Good. You did your research. I look forward to reading your essay George."

George made a quiet, exasperated noise and shook his head. "O-Okay."  
He turned to leave, and Remus suddenly asked.

"How's everything going with your parents, George?"  
"What? What are you talking about?" He snapped.  
"You told me you were struggling with your parents." Remus explained calmly. "I asked how it was going."  
George flushed furiously, and looked angry, but muttered. "I…we haven't spoken. I haven't…told them yet."  
"Okay."  
The Slytherin opened the door, and Remus added, "Come back if you have any other questions, George."  
He left, but Remus could have sworn he mumbled thank you as he did.

 **Hey! Sorry it's been a while! I hope you like this new chapter, and the next one should be up soon! Reviews are greatly appreciated.  
Fly xx  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi! Sorry it's been a while, I've been really busy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
Thanks,  
Fly x**

"If Snape's teaching, I'm leaving."  
Remus heard a loud, indignant exclamation from the door as the class began to file in, and then Ron, Harry and Hermione entered the classroom behind Parvati and Lavender. The third-years were unusually chatty as they came in and took their seats, and as soon Remus cleared his throat to get their attention, their frustrated words turned on him.  
"We don't know anything about them-"  
"Two rolls of parchment!"  
"-Haven't learnt about werewolves yet-"  
Remus was suddenly confused. He knew Snape had covered the class but he taught them about _werewolves_?  
 _Wow._  
"Didn't you tell Professor Snape that we hadn't done them yet?"  
"He said we were really behind-"  
"Two rolls of parchment!"  
"It's alright, it's alright, everyone. You don't have to do it." Remus said hurriedly, at once both anxious to cease the talk of werewolves and also quieten the loud indignant chatter that was making his head throb.

Later, on one of his rare visits to the staff room to speak to Professor McGonagall, Remus was just handing over his completed registers for inspection and checking his pigeonhole for any notes (it was dusty, having never been used) when a certain greasy-haired professor came prowling into the staff room.  
"Ah, Severus." Remus approached him, voice cool. "I very much appreciate you furthering my third year class' knowledge on werewolves, despite them not being on the curriculum until sixth year."  
"They must be educated about the monsters," Snape sneered. "Otherwise they would not think them dangerous. For a Defence against the Dark Arts professor, you are awfully relaxed about safety of your students. Perhaps you could think that over, before applying to make your contract permanent."  
"Your suggestion is unnecessary." Remus replied frostily. "I heard a cauldron exploded in one of your lessons earlier today. Didn't Murray get sent to the Hospital Wing with third degree burns? It seems you have enough health and safety concerns to worry about, without trying to expose me to my students."  
"Murray is a buffoon." Snape hissed. "And no one has ever questioned my ability to handle a class."  
"Maybe they should start then." Remus smiled coldly. "Good day."

Remus could feel Snape's furious eyes burning into the back of his head as he left for his office, but inside his heart sang triumphantly, and he couldn't help the small smile that crept up onto his lips.  
 _Ha._

* * *

Remus had, at Harry's request, been teaching him the Patronus Charm. Harry had been doing remarkably well, but spending time with someone almost identical to his old best friend was painful, so he was almost relieved when the Christmas holidays broke and the castle practically emptied, leaving only a handful of Gryffindors, two seventh-year Slytherins, a gaggle of excitable Hufflepuff first-years and a lone Ravenclaw girl Remus hadn't seen outside of the library.

However, the Christmas holidays coming was a double-edged sword: it brought peace to the normally bustling castle but the full moon was rapidly approaching, and his physical condition quickly deteriorated.  
There was a sick irony in having the full moon fall on Christmas day.

When term started again, Harry came back to him again, determined for more lessons.  
One particularly successful night, after Harry had managed to summon a wispy mist of a Patronus, Remus had just slammed down the trunk with the Boggart inside and handed Harry a square of chocolate when Harry asked suddenly.  
"Professor Lupin? If you knew my dad, you must have known Sirius Black as well."  
"What?" Remus said immediately. "Why would you think that?"

"Nothing-I just…I know they were friends, that's all I meant." Harry replied hurriedly.  
"Right." Remus tried to look relaxed. "Yes, I knew him. Or, I suppose I thought I did." He was hurting inside, and he needed Harry to leave. "You better be off, Harry, it's getting late."

After he'd left, Remus sat down at his chair behind his desk, breathing heavily.

 _They were in the common room; James tossing an old, battered Quaffle around, Peter scribbling hastily away at homework due the next morning, himself sat in an armchair, mind far away as he stared into the fire and Sirius, clamouring at all of them to play Exploding Snap with him.  
"Come on, Pete! Moony? Prongs? Anyone?"  
It was dark outside the window, dim in only the light of the fire in the early hours of the morning and the common room was empty. Sirius was drunk on no sleep and a swig of contraband Firewhiskey, and James' eyes were glazed over. They all knew they should be in bed, but high on the exhilaration of freedom on the first night of the Christmas holidays, they'd stayed up until even the most hard-core seventh years had admitted defeat and trudged up to bed.  
"Pete! Come on!" Sirius whined, and Peter scrawled something at the bottom of the page, then sat up triumphantly.  
"Done!"  
"Then play with me!"  
Already joyful in his mannerisms, Sirius looked child-like in his lack of sleep, eyes shining, and thrust the cards towards an exasperated Peter. The two of them commenced the game, Sirius with boundless enthusiasm and Peter full of a reluctant, tired air. _

_As they played, Remus found himself staring at Sirius, zeroing in on his dark grey eyes; his pale face lit up with eagerness; his rolled up sleeves showing his bicep; the little cut on his chin from when he had obviously shaved; the shadow of stubble on his cheeks; his arching cheekbones and his wide, purely joyous grin.  
Remus flushed and looked down as Sirius' eyes darted up to meet his. His expression changed, from engrossed in the game to curious, intrigued and almost…  
Nope. He definitely wasn't-  
Sirius winked.  
The kind of wink, along with the expression, that Remus had seen on the rare occasion that Sirius had chatted up girls down in Hogsmeade.  
That wasn't…flirtatious. Was it?  
Remus banished the thought as quickly as it had entered his head. He needed to stop imagining things._

 _The game ended with flames nearly igniting Sirius' shirt, and he jumped up, swearing, then stomped on the cards to put out the fire that had caught on the rug. Peter sighed, obviously relieved, and went back to read over his essay again. James, who was sat opposite, was staring at Remus, somewhat shrewdly, and Remus tried to look away, a bit confused.  
Sirius came sauntering over and, before Remus could protest, plonked himself onto Remus' lap like it was the most normal thing in the world. Remus' heart started to pound and he tried to turf Sirius off of his lap, but he was too heavy, so Remus gave up, trying to hide his face in his hands because he was sure he was bright red._

 _Sirius continued to ignore Remus' existence despite using him as a chair, reaching behind him to adjust his shirt, and his arm brushed Remus' chest, and he got butterflies. But he didn't like him. At all.  
Remus knew that he had to act normal, make fun; he pretended to wheeze. "I can't breathe…so…heavy…"  
"Prick," Sirius punched him on the arm, grinning, but he leapt up off of Remus' lap and went over to bother Peter._

 _Remus was a little stunned, so he wasn't really aware of James approaching him until he hoisted himself up onto the arm of his chair._

 _"_ _You like him, don't you?" James said quietly in his ear.  
"I don't know what you're talking about." Remus said indignantly. "And if you're done with your ridiculous notions I'm going up to bed."  
With that, Remus shut with book with a snap, stood up, and marched up the dormitory stairs without looking back. _


	17. Chapter 17

It was breakfast time, and Remus was daydreaming.  
 _"Sirius, get off-"  
Remus pushed at Sirius' chest, trying to get him away, because the heat rising in his cheeks was going to give him away.  
_"Remus, pass the cornflakes, will you?"  
 _"Why?" Sirius' eyes glinted, daring. "You scared?"  
_ "Remus?"  
"Sorry?" Remus blinked, suddenly back in the loud chatter of the Great Hall.  
"The cornflakes, dear?" Professor Trelawney was looking at him with her magnified, bug-eyes.  
"Yes, of course, sorry-"  
He passed them over, shaking his head slightly.

The first bell rang, and he stood up abruptly at the sound, wanting to beat the rush of students who'd inevitably rush out last minute for lessons, and strode out of the Hall. He wasn't teaching all morning, but he had a full schedule all afternoon and had a lot of stuff to get done, so he headed straight for his office.

"Professor! Professor!"  
A girl was calling him from down the corridor. He turned around.  
Hermione was walking quickly towards him, face determined. "Can I speak to you please?"  
Remus wanted to say no so badly.  
"Of course."  
They'd been avoiding each other. He knew because he'd been avoiding her.

She caught up with him, but they didn't talk as they walked back to his office. It was only after the front door closed behind her that she spoke.

"I talked to my parents." Hermione said immediately, quietly. "They said you were telling the truth. About all of this."  
Remus nodded, so slightly that he wasn't sure she noticed.  
"That you adopted me…first? And then something happened, and you gave me away."  
He did the almost imperceptible nod again.  
"So…now what?"  
He did a double take. "I'm sorry?"  
"Well what do I do now?" She said impatiently.  
"Uh…" Remus was suddenly back in class again, being called upon by a teacher to solve a question that he had no idea how to answer. "I'm not sure."  
"How helpful." She huffed, folding her arms.  
"What else did your parents say?"  
"Not much, you know, we're not really your parents, instead it's some teacher at my school that I barely know that actually adopted me first but then gave me to the parents from hell because you couldn't deal with me or whatever-"  
"That's not why I-" Remus shot back, startled. "Hermione, I promise that's not why I gave to you to them. I thought it would be better for you-"  
"Why? Why would that be better?" She said accusatorily.  
"Because, because he left!" Remus burst out. "Because I was by myself, and I was fighting a war no one thought we would ever win, and I didn't want to put you in danger because of anger."  
"Who is _he_?"  
"He is…is a person. A person I was close to, and he left, and…it broke me. I'd just lost my two best friends, and him too, and…I'm sorry, Hermione."  
"You shouldn't have given me away."  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
"You shouldn't have given me to them."  
"I know. I'm sorry."

"Good."

Hermione stared at him for a moment, face impassive and posture sturdy, then stood up.  
"I'll see you in class, then, I guess."  
"Yes of course. See you later, Hermione."  
"Okay Profess-um, okay, sir."

* * *

 _Sirius had paint in his hair.  
They'd spent the morning painting the walls of their flat for the fourth time, and the evidence of such was splattered over Sirius' ragged old band t-shirt and baggy tracksuit bottoms; in his newly clipped hair; across his forehead and peppered across the dark shadow of his stubble.  
They'd worked in silence for a while, moving around each other rhythmically, like a bizarre but perfectly choreographed dance, until Remus felt something flick onto his neck and span around, eyebrows raised. Sirius was grinning at him, having just flicked his paintbrush at his boyfriend, and the sight of him made Remus' heart ache joyfully.  
"You look like a Dalmatian," Remus said amusedly. "With all that white in your hair."  
"Okay werewolf," Sirius smirked, flicking more paint in his direction. "Can we talk about the thing again?"  
"What thing?" Remus tried to be nonchalant and flippant for a moment, but then his shoulders sagged. "Okay, fine."  
"So do you not want to? Adopt, I mean."  
"Of course I do!" Remus burst out. "Of course! But it's just…what will people think?"  
Sirius shrugged. "What they always think. They're not important in this equation."  
"I've never liked Maths." Remus muttered.  
"Stop avoiding the subject." Sirius insisted, dropping his paintbrush back into the pot of paint and approaching Remus.  
"I just don't know if it's a good idea-"  
"I didn't think asking you out to Hogsmeade was a good idea," Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "What do you think now?"  
"Best idea ever," Remus murmured, and he leaned in, brushing Sirius' lips with his own. "Best idea you've ever had."  
"Nah, I still think that was getting you a lifetime supply of chocolate from Honeydukes for your birthday."  
"Okay maybe only second to that." Remus kissed Sirius on the cheek and reached for his paintbrush again. _

_"Painting's_ boring _," Sirius whined, grabbing Remus by the hand and dragging him away from the freshly painted wall and onto the sofa. "Come sit with me instead."  
Everything in there was as familiar as the back of Remus' hand: the dark wine stain on the grey carpet; spaghetti sauce on the cushion that Sirius had spilled when he was drunk that he'd always said he'd clean but never did and coffee mug rings on the rickety wooden coffee table._

 _The living room was furnished simply, the way Remus liked it, but there were little splashes of Sirius in the décor. On top of the Muggle television was a framed photo of the two of them, on top of one of Remus' classic novels was Sirius' wand, strewn carelessly away, and under the carefully decluttered coffee table was a motorcycle magazine, wedged under one of the table legs to keep it from wobbling every time something was placed on it. There was a muddy dog paw print on the wall from a crazy drunk night with James while Remus was out, a hole in the wall from when Remus' wand had misfired and the diagonally hanging curtains from the dodgy curtain pole that Remus had, for some reason, insisted Sirius put up without magic._

 _When Sirius leant down to kiss him, Remus could taste the coffee on his breath, feel the paint on his skin and smell the masculine tang of the shower gel he'd used. They shouldn't have fit together, but they did: they were almost the same height, but Sirius was stockier and held himself with confidence, and Remus was thin and pale and tired but everywhere Sirius touched him he was alive._

 _"You taste like paint," Sirius pulled a face when he pulled away, mouth pursed, and Remus furrowed his brow, then pushed himself out from under Sirius and leapt up to his feet.  
"Well if that's how you feel-"  
"Get back here-"  
Sirius grabbed him around the waist and pulled Remus back to sit with him, and then nuzzled his head into Remus' collarbone like a cat, the way they always sat.  
"I love you." Sirius mumbled against the paint-splattered fabric of Remus' t-shirt.  
"I love you too."_

 **Sorry it's been a while, but I hope you like it!  
Fly xx**


	18. Chapter 18

_"_ _Sirius, get off-"  
Remus pushed at Sirius' chest, trying to get him away, because the heat rising in his cheeks was burning like fire.  
They were alone in the dormitory. Thankfully, mercifully alone.  
Awfully, terribly alone.  
"Sirius, I'm not joking-"  
The boy's eyes were dark and tumultuous and swirling and stormy.  
"Neither am I."_

 _Remus froze, hands falling back down to the bedspread, chest rising and falling like he was running.  
Sirius' hair hung around his face, tickling Remus' neck, a curtain separating them and the world.  
"What are you doing?" Remus whispered, more to himself than to anyone else.  
"Well right now I'm touching your hand," Sirius' fingers brushed his palm like a butterfly, feather light. "And now I'm moving up your arm…" His index finger ran up his forearm and teased at his elbow, __slipped up his shoulder. "Across your shoulder..."  
Remus' heart was pounding; he could feel Sirius' breaths on his face.  
"Along your collarbone…" Sirius whispered, voice catching. "Up your neck…"  
Remus was trembling. He was so close.  
"Around your jaw…" Sirius cupped his chin, and ran his thumb over his mouth. Remus could feel him shaking. "And…lips-"_

 _Then they imploded: all clashing noses and biting teeth and curious tongues and bruising lips and unsteady hands and bodies.  
Remus was so warm that his insides were melting. His stomach had given birth to thousands of butterflies. Happiness constricted his chest until he couldn't speak or barely even breathe.  
"_God _, Sirius," Remus breathed, "You-"  
"That was even better the Astronomy Tower." Sirius was panting slightly, looking a little shell shocked. "Who knew you could make me feel so…"  
"Alive." Remus said quietly, staring up at him, eyes meeting. It felt like his soul was pouring out of his eyes and into the other boy, and it was glorious.  
"Remus Lupin," Sirius leaned in and spoke against his lips before recapturing them with his own. "You make me feel alive."_

There was a hasty knock on the door, loud and abrupt, that startled Remus awake.  
"Wah-"He groaned groggily, sitting up and blinking rapidly.  
"Remus?" It was Flitwick's voice, shaky with haste. "Remus?"  
Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Remus pulled his jumper from the previous day over his head, snatched up his wand and crossed the room swiftly and pulled open the door.  
"Filius? What is it? What's going on?"  
The professor's face was pale with worry. "It's Black. He broke into the Gryffindor Tower with a knife. We need everyone searching."

Remus sprang into action, pushing past his fellow professor and jogging down towards the Entrance Hall, where there was a hub-bub of noise, and watched Filch order the students into the Great Hall as the rest of the teachers congregated by the doors. At the middle of them was Professor Dumbledore, speaking in a low, urgent voice.  
As the rest of the staff broke off heading into the different parts of school, Remus hurried up to Albus.  
"Where do you need me?"  
"You can _supervise_ the students in the Hall."  
"Surely you need me searching, Albus-"  
"Would that be appropriate? Given your history, with Mr Black-"  
"Are you saying that I wouldn't help apprehend him? With all due respect sir, his betrayal led to the deaths of _three_ of my _best_ friends-"  
"If you insist, it could be beneficial to have someone manning the Gryffindor Tower in case Mr Black is still there."  
"Right." Remus muttered, then span on his heel and jogged up the Grand Staircase and walked the familiar route to the Gryffindor Tower, lighting the lamps with a flick of his wand as he went. The security trolls had been sent to guard somewhere else, he assumed from the emptiness of their usual corridor, and so as he approached the Fat Lady, a corridor away from the common room, she gasped and then exhaled in relief.

"Remus! Thank goodness!" She gasped. "Someone to protect me!"  
"Hello ma'am," He said, words all tumbling out in a rush. "Are you alright?"  
"Barely," She exclaimed dramatically. "I heard Sir Cadogan let Black into the Tower!"  
"He did," He said impatiently. "I'm going to check on him now. Shout if you see anything."  
"But Remus you can't leave me, what if he comes back-"  
The Fat Lady's voice trailed off as Remus jogged down the corridor, turned right and came upon the portrait of Sir Cadogan, sitting forlornly on the grassy ridge of his painting, kicking at the dirt. At Remus approaching, he struggled to pull his heavy sword out of the dirt in a futile attempt to wield him off.

"Back, fiend!" He roared. "You will not deceive Sir Cadogan again!"  
"It's Remus Lupin!" Remus said hurriedly. "Calm down! I'm just here to check the corridor!"  
"You are not the murderer Black?" The knight peered at him, eyes narrowed suspiciously.  
"I am quite sure."  
"That's exactly what a murderer would say." The knight muttered, but he sat back down on the grass and resumed his petulant kicking of the dirt.  
Remus rolled his eyes and started to scan the corridor, eyes skimming the floor for something, anything.  
Then his heart skipped a beat.  
On the floor was a very distinct trail of muddy paw prints.

Remus began to run, following the familiar tracks with a racing heart and uneven breathing, thoughts sharp and clear.  
They stopped at a window next to a broom cupboard, which had been propped open, sending a cold wind rushing over Remus' skin and making him shiver. The window led to a ten foot drop: there was no way Sirius could have climbed down without being seen. Except there must have been. There had to have been.  
Sirius was in the grounds.

Remus wanted to strangle him and blow him into a million pieces and put him back together; he wanted to shake him and scream at him and hold him close; he wanted to grieve him and hate him and have him kiss his tears away; he wanted to curl up in bed with him and paint walls with him and play dress-up with toddler Hermione with him and live with him again and love with him again.

 _"_ _Remus," Sirius' hand cupped his neck, cradling his broken and battered body against his own after the full moon had taken him and made him a monster for a night, then left him in pieces. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm here. It's okay. We're together."_

Remus wanted to feel together again.

 **Love you all!  
Thanks for all of the reviews: they are very much appreciated! :)  
Fly xx**


	19. Chapter 19

Remus gagged over the toilet bowl again, panting, stomach clenching painfully.

His eyes were streaming as he retched again, coughing and spluttering.  
 _"I love you, Remus-"  
"You're safe, it's okay-"  
"Remus, Mione wants to play dress up, hurry up-"  
"Oh shit, you're so-"  
_His retching dissolved into sobs as memories burnt through his head like acid.

When the spasms finally passed, he knelt down his bathroom floor and took a few deep breaths to try to settle himself, wiping his face with some toilet paper. Exhausted, he stood up and staggered back into his bedroom, collapsing onto the bed. Hot tears ran down his pale, clammy face.  
The sun was rising outside of the window, casting fire across the room, and his hoarse, painful breaths mingled with sweet birdsong. Breakfast was in an hour: he couldn't stand the thought of eating. Lessons in two hours: he couldn't think about teaching. The third years' fourth lesson: he couldn't see Hermione.  
Mirror on the wall: he couldn't face himself.

 _"_ _Remus!"  
Sirius caught Remus as he collapsed in pain, muscles convulsing in exhaustion as the transformation back to human took hold of his body. His strong arms gathered up Remus' skinny body and kept him from hitting the wooden Shack floor, then he hugged him against his chest.  
"Pomfrey will be here soon," James said abruptly, folding up the Marauders Map. "Come on, Pads."  
"See you later Remus." Peter said worriedly, brow furrowed, and Sirius shook his head.  
"He's freezing," Sirius said. "I think he's got hypothermia."  
"I'm…I'm fine…" Remus forced out through chattering teeth, trying not to bite his tongue. "Madam Pomfrey will be here in a minute. Go."  
"Your lips are blue, Remus." Sirius said urgently. "Where is she, James?"  
"Just got up." James said, fumbling with the Map.  
"That means she'll be about half an hour. I'm staying here."  
"Sirius, you c-can't."  
"You sure Pads? You want us to stay?"  
"It's fine, you have that essay to do for Binns. You go, I'll stay until Pomfrey gets here."  
James and Sirius exchanged a look, then Peter and James transformed and left the Shack. _

_"_ _You okay, Moony?" Sirius forced a smile and tried to make his tone light.  
"Cold." Remus tried to sit up, but he was shuddering violently. Black spots were swirling at the edges of his vision, and he was exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open. Sirius' skin felt fiery against his skin, burning hot, and he tried to wriggle away from the boy's heat. His insides felt like they were on fire, and he tried to push Sirius off of him, longing to cool off in the snow outside. _

_"_ _What are you doing?" Sirius panicked as Remus wriggled out of his grip and tried to pull himself towards the door.  
"Boiling…" Remus muttered feverishly. "I'm boiling…"  
Sirius grabbed Remus tightly by the upper arms and pulled him into an unrelenting bear hug.  
"No! No, no, no, Sirius I have to-"  
Sirius wouldn't let up his iron grip, and Remus was too weak to fight him as sweat poured down his face.  
He felt Sirius lean for something on the floor, then red sparks flew upwards through the chimney and exploded above them.  
"Hold on, Remus, Madam Pomfrey's coming."  
"Sirius," Remus slurred. "I love you."  
"You're delirious." Sirius frowned concernedly.  
"No, Sirius, I actually really love…love-"_

 _Remus broke off into a bout of painful, hacking coughs, and Sirius kissed him on the forehead.  
"It's okay. I love you too."_

Hermione was staring at him.  
 _"So we're really going to do this? We're really going to adopt?"  
Remus gave him a tentative smile. "Yes?"  
Sirius tackled him, a pure bundle of joy, and swung him around. "We're going to have a baby!"  
Remus laughed, a pure sound of delight and Sirius peppered his face with excited kisses as he put him down and began to sing.  
"We're gonna have a baby….we're gonna have a baby!"_

"Professor?"  
Remus shook himself out of his reverie.  
"Sorry, erm, yes Dean?"  
"Do you know if they found Black, sir?"  
"I, um- no." Remus said sharply. "Now let's get back to work. Page twenty three, everyone."

When the bell rang, Remus sat heavily down in his desk chair as the students began to file out, chattering complacently as they went. He was staring at the cold cup of tea on his desk blankly when he saw someone approach his desk in his peripheral vision, and he jerked his gaze up.  
"Um, Professor?"  
"Yes, Hermione?" He said tiredly.  
"Um…I…are you alright?"  
"Sorry?" It was such a shock that he made him blink in surprise.  
"Are you, erm, okay?"  
"Thank you, Hermione, but I'm fine."  
"Professor McGonagall told me to speak to you about Sirius Black."  
Remus' blood ran cold, and he had a sudden urge to throttle Minerva.

"She did?"  
"She said it was important. She said it was something you _needed_ to tell me."  
"Are you coming, Hermione?"  
Harry called from the door, and Hermione looked torn.  
"It's a long story, Hermione. Would you like to sit down?"  
Hermione's eyes flashed back to Harry at the door, and Remus sighed.  
"You can go, Hermione."

She looked at him, eyes calm and determined, then turned to Harry at the door.  
"You go, Harry, I'll see you in Potions."

Hermione pulled the chair opposite Remus out, and the scraping sound was deafening in the empty classroom.  
"So what do you have to talk to me about? Sirius Black, right?  
"I, uh, yeah, so, the thing is…" Remus swallowed awkwardly. "I didn't really want to talk about this with you, but as Minerva has obviously sent you here, I, I guess I will. So… the thing is…um…"  
Hermione folded her arms impatiently. "What is it?"  
"The person I was with when we adopted you…" Remus took a deep breath.  
"Yes?" Hermione said bluntly.  
"It was Sirius Black."

 **Sorry it took so long for me to update, but I hope you like this chapter.  
I know, I know it's a cliffhanger…how do you think Hermione will react?  
Thanks!  
Fly xx**


	20. Chapter 20

"It was Sirius Black."

Hermione went very still, and they stared each other.  
"The last time he saw you, you were three years old. I gave you to the Grangers after he was sent to Azkaban for the murders of three of my best friends: James and Lily Potter, and Peter Pettigrew."

Hermione's lip was trembling.  
"He doesn't know I'm here, does he?"  
Remus looked at her gravely. "He probably does, I'm afraid. This is the only school for magic in the country, you were exhibiting signs of accidental magic-"

"He's not just here for Harry, is he?"  
Hermione's voice shook.  
"I don't know."

"Do you know where he is?"  
"Hermione…" Remus held her gaze steadily. "If I did, I would have told Professor Dumbledore by now. I promise you. No more lies."  
"No more lies?" She sought reassurance like a child.  
"No." Remus assured her. "No more lies."

She stared directly into his eyes without blinking.  
"So are you going to tell me you're a werewolf now then, or am I going to have to ask you?"

* * *

It was lunchtime, and Hermione was barely touching the apple she'd brought with her to Remus' office.  
"So you were best friends with Harry's parents, your partner was Sirius Black, and he went to Azkaban for helping Voldemort to kill them and Peter?"  
"Yes."  
"And you adopted a child, and that child was me."  
"Yes."  
"And you're a werewolf."  
"Yes."  
"And now Sirius is in the castle, and he might come looking for me."  
"Yes. Maybe."  
"Would he, I mean, could he, would he…"  
She cleared her throat. "Would he hurt me?"

 _"_ _Hey Mione!" Sirius scooped the giggling toddler up into his arms as he dropped the grocery bags onto the front door mat and kicked the door shut behind him. "What's going on?"  
"Daddy's reading me a book!"  
"He is?" Sirius grinned at Remus, who was standing at the doorway, smiling amusedly at their daughter.  
"Yeah!" Hermione crowed triumphantly, wriggled out of his arms and ran back to Remus, wrapping her arms and legs around his shin like a sloth.  
Remus struggled to drag her along as she giggled mischievously, then sighed and gave up, holding his hands up exasperatedly. Sirius grinned at him as he picked up the shopping bags and carried them into the kitchen, pecking Remus on the lips as he went past, then bent down and pried Hermione off Remus' leg.  
"Sorry Mione, but your daddy can't dance with me if you're on his leg."  
"Dance?"  
Hermione's eyes lit up, and Remus' widened comically, equally as surprised. "Dance?"_

 _Sirius snatched up the little girl and spun her around, humming waltz music energetically. "Come on Remus!"  
"_Sirius _…" Remus moaned, and Hermione cried excitedly.  
"Come on daddy!"_

 _They swept together in a joyful bundle of awkward limbs and giggles and Hermione's laughter and Sirius' off key singing, and the milk went sour on the kitchen counter._

"Professor?"

 _The door to the dormitory shut behind James, and Sirius span around to face Remus, eyes glinting.  
"Thank Merlin."  
"What?" Remus looked confused.  
"We're alone."_

 _Remus gulped. "Um…we are."  
"So…do you want to…?" Sirius trailed off, eyebrows raised suggestively.  
Remus flushed, painfully hot, and his heart was pounding. His insides exploded into thousands of sparks, fizzing and cracking and bursting into millions of fireflies. Sirius' eyes were like fire.  
"I trust you." Remus said simply, though his voice cracked and shook with desire. "Yes."  
Sirius' eyes suddenly shone. "You do?"  
Remus' face broke out into an embarrassed smile, and he nodded hesitantly. _

_"_ _Shit." Sirius murmured. "Shit, Remus. You're killing me."  
His eyes looked like dark pools, pupils swimming with lust.  
It was Remus who kissed him first that time. _

"Professor Lupin?"

 _"_ _You can't be their Secret Keeper, Sirius!"  
"How can you not be with me on this?" Sirius' eyes were blazing. "It's the only way to keep them safe!"  
"They could use someone else, anyone else-"  
"What, do you not trust me?" He spat. "Do you think I'll sell them out?"  
"Of course not!" Remus pleaded. "But what if something happens…Hermione needs you!"  
"You could look after her if something happened-"  
"No I couldn't!" Remus shouted. "I'm a werewolf!"  
"You can't use that as an excuse not to step up!" Sirius yelled, throwing her arms up into the air. "Hermione doesn't need me!"  
"I need you!" Remus cried, and Sirius fell silent. Remus wiped the hot tears spilling down his face away furiously. "I need you, Sirius, I need you! How do you not understand that?"_

"Sir?"

 _"_ _Remus?" Sirius crouched in front of Remus, who had his head pressed up against his knees as he hyperventilated. He'd had panic attacks before, but this one was as bad as his lycanthropic transformations, his heart banging against his rib cage and his chest crackling with white-hot pain. He felt detached from his body, floating away like a balloon. He couldn't draw enough breath.  
"It's okay, Remus, deep breaths."  
"It's not, I, I-"  
"Deep breaths."_

"Professor? Did you hear me?"

 _"_ _They're dead, they're, they're, Dad, they're-"  
A strangled scream erupted from Remus' mouth as he collapsed onto the carpet, shaking uncontrollably.  
"Daddy!" There was a cry from Lyall's bedroom; Hermione sounded distressed. "Daddy!"  
"I, I, can't-"  
Remus choked on his tears. "I can't do this. I can't, I can't, not without him, I, I can't-"_

"Professor?"

 _"_ _They've found him guilty, Remus-"_

 _"_ _Take Harry and run!"_

 _"_ _I love you, Remus-"_

 _"_ _Goodnight Mione!"_

 _"_ _A finger-"_

 _"_ _You have to go, the sun's almost set-"_

 _"_ _I would never hurt you-"_

 _"_ _I, Sirius Orion Black, take Remus John Lupin-"_

 _"_ _SIRIUS!"_

"Remus Lupin!" Hermione demanded. "Answer me!"

"I…what?" Remus' mind was swimming; he couldn't think.  
"Do you think he would hurt me?" Her eyes brimmed with tears.  
Remus opened his mouth, then closed again. Then opened it.  
Finally, he broke down.  
"I don't know."

 **I hope you liked this chapter! Sorry for the delay in updating!  
Let me know what you think! Also if anyone wants me to write a specific flashback scene for Remus and Sirius I'd love to hear your request!  
Thanks,  
Fly xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**...sorry in advance my friends.  
You understand when you get to the end. Feel free to vent.  
Fly xx**

The staff room was full of Hagrid's wails, and the sound was hurting Remus' head. He was sympathetic for the gatekeeper's plight; he appreciated that Hagrid was losing his Hippogriff to execution that night must be awful, but it was the night of the full moon and he had a pounding headache. He had no classes, but it was lunchtime and the corridors were full of chatter, so he retreated to his office with a mug of tea and a weary acceptance that he'd have to stop procrastinating and mark the first graders' homework. He'd gulped down the Pain Potion Madam Pomfrey had given him, wincing at the bitter taste, and was doggedly working his way through the essays, ticking here and there, when there was a tentative knock on the door.

"Come in," He called tiredly, glad for the excuse to take a break.

Hermione poked her head around the door hesitantly. "Can I come in?"  
"Of course Hermione." Remus beckoned her in with an exhausted smile. "Sit down."  
Their relationship was complicated. She'd come to see him most days, mostly to ask questions, and it was nice to have the company. Remus was nervous in approaching her; he didn't want to pressure her, she had parents after all, not that they seemed to do much good. He still hated himself for that.  
"Are you alright?" She asked, brows furrowed in concern.  
"Of course," He said immediately. "Why?"  
"It's the full moon tonight. That's why we had Snape for Defence, isn't it?"  
"Yes, it is. But I'll be fine, I have the Wolfsbane Potion, remember? So don't worry."  
She visibly relaxed, then stiffened again. "Buckbeak's being executed today."  
"Buckbeak?"  
"Hagrid's Hippogriff." Hermione's brown eyes were clouded with worry.  
"Oh of course," Remus sighed. "I must ask Professor McGonagall to speak with him for me."  
"He's really upset." Hermione bit her lip, avoiding eye contact, then her eyes zeroed in on the Marauders' Map, folded inconspicuously on his desk. "Is that Harry's map?"  
"Yes, it is, I confiscated it."  
Hermione exhaled in relief. "Good. I was terrified that… _someone_ might take it."  
"Well it's safe with me, don't worry." Remus smiled warmly. "What lessons have you got this afternoon?"  
"Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies and Arithmancy."  
"In two hours?" Remus frowned, confused.  
"Oh, um, yeah. It's arranged with Professor McGonagall."

"Alright then." Remus relaxed. "Make sure you don't go out after dark, the Dementors will be out."  
"I was going to go down and see Hagrid, but I won't stay too late-"  
"Don't stay out during the execution, Hermione. You don't want to see that."  
"I don't want him to be alone…"  
"He won't be, Professor Dumbledore will be with him. He wouldn't want you there. I certainly don't want you there."  
"You can't stop me," She grumbled.  
"I can, Hermione. Don't go down there after dark, okay? Promise me."  
"I have to go," She said abruptly, standing up. "The bell will be going soon."  
"Hermione…" Remus said in a warning tone.  
"You're not my dad." She said quietly, then turned around and shut the door behind her as she left.

* * *

The sky was darkening as the day slipped into the evening, and Remus was reading the Daily Prophet in the fading sunlight, as exhaustion drained his body of strength. He was trembling with exertion just by sitting upright, but his anxiety was eased by the Wolfsbane Potion he knew Snape would deliver any moment. Having control during his transformation was the best gift he'd been given in years; he was no longer paranoid that someone would stumble upon him in the Shack and fall foul of his bloodlust.

A thought suddenly sparked alight in his mind, and he pushed himself to his feet to check the Map.  
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."  
The Map blossomed at the touch of his wand, black ink spiralling outwards a perfect contrast of dark and old, yellowing parchment. He cleared his desk and unfolded the massive, sprawling paper so it covered its entire area.  
Memories crashed into him like a wave, knocking him to the ground. The labels, each written in Peter's painstakingly neat handwriting. The secret passages, routes sketched out by James, with ink smeared over his hands and a proud grin on his face. The drawings, the intricate castle floorplan, the Black Lake and Forbidden Forest, the hasty scribbled annotations...they were done by Sirius.

 _"_ _What are you drawing?" Remus asked curiously, legs in Sirius' lap, book propped up in his lap.  
Sirius looked up and blushed, a rare sight, then stuffed his sketchbook behind his back. "Nothing."  
Remus leaned over and whipped it out from behind him, then flicked it open to the latest page. Sirius protested weakly, swatting at his boyfriend and trying to grab it out of his hands, but he was too slow; Remus flipped to the latest page.  
It was a stunning sketch of a boy, with silvery scars on his face and the fire reflecting in his eyes.  
"It's you." Sirius said quietly.  
"It's amazing…" Remus looked up at him, honoured to be the muse for the drawing. "You should draw the castle for the Map."  
"Are you sure?" Sirius stared at him with hopeful eyes.  
Remus grinned and squeezed his hand tightly.  
"Yes."_

Remus forced the memory aside, frustrated, and scanned the parchment for Hermione's name.  
She wasn't in the Gryffindor Tower, but that was no reason to worry.  
She wasn't in the corridors.  
She wasn't in the castle…  
Then he saw it.

The five names, clustered together.  
 _Harry Potter.  
Ron Weasley.  
Hermione Granger._

And then the one that made his stomach flip over:  
 _Peter Pettigrew._

And finally, the one that made his blood run cold, the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. The one that sent adrenaline coursing through his veins. The one that made his heart start fighting to be free of his ribcage.  
The one that made his head start screaming. The one that made him drop his mug and sprint out of the door.

 _Sirius Black._

And everything fell into place.


End file.
